I can't stand this. Login to Kupika  or  Create a new account 

This diary entry is written by ‹icanbeyourmelody. ♥›. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: New Moon; in category Whatever..
You can also go directly to the previous entry in category <3

I can't stand this.Category: <3
Saturday, 28 November 2009
10:33:18 PM (GMT)
I wouldn't recommend reading this. I just needed to vent. You can read if you
like, but you probably won't. If you do, give me your opinion if you'd like. I'd like
to know what someone else thinks of this whole shitty situation, since I can't think

Why are you doing this to me? Fuckyou. You know you're killing me.
You're breaking my heart. I guess you have the right, considering it'll always be
your's. Even now it still is. Just because I have this extreme fear of losing you.
I've already semi-lost you. I'm crying my eyes out over you. Do you give a shit at
all? Everything you said just seems like a lie now. Don't your promises mean anything
anymore? You promised me we'd be together forever. You promised to love me. You
promised to take me to Italy. Damnit. Don't joke about Italy. You're still
with me. But you want to be with someone else. You said it's like candy; you know
what you want and you'll get it, but you want to at least have a little try of all
the other kinds. But you said I'm still your favorite. We'll still be together
forever. You said we aren't broken up. We're still together. But we aren't, at the
same time. You're still going to tell me you love me, even if you're with some other
girl. That's wrong. Don't you realize that? It's wrong and you shouldn't do
that. But you know what. I don't care. That's why I'm so fucking sick. I don't
care if you kiss me and hug me and hold my hand and tell me you love me, even if
you're with some other girl. You're still with me. I still want you to do
those things. I want you to hug me and hold me and do everything with me. I still
want to go to Italy with you. I still want to kiss you in the pouring rain. I still
want to dance with you under the stars, even though I am a really shitty dancer and
will probably step on your feet a million times. I still want to go over to your
house and hang out with you and your family, even though your step-dad kinda scares
the living shit out of me and I barely say a word while I'm there. I still want to
tell you how much you mean to me and how much I love you and quote love songs to you
a thousand times a day. I still plan on doing all these things. I still plan on
calling you sunshine, because you are my sunshine. I still plan on loving you
forever. I still plan on making you that mix CD for Christmas and giving it to you
weeks before, even though I doubt you'll like it. I still plan on making our song the
first song on the CD. But I want you to know how much you're killing me. You're
breaking my heart. You're absolutely hurting me. A part of me doesn't care. A smaller
part does. The desire for you to be happy is over-powering my free will. I want to
scream at you. I want to tell you how much you're hurting me. I want to ignore
you. You said we'll be completely together again whenever we can see each other
every day. We still are technically together, but we'll be totally together when
we're both in high school. I don't want to wait two years for that. But I'm going to.
I'm going to put up with all this bullshit. I'm going to talk to you every day. I'm
going to cry my eyes out when I do. I'm going to be with you every second I can, and
when we are together, we're going to be the cutest, most adorable, most perfect
couple in the world like we always are when we're together. You're parents are going
to get sick of me coming over every day that I can, but even if they don't want me
over, I'm going to be sweet and nice to them, even if your step-dad thinks I'm a
little girl. I'm going to constantly remind you how amazing and perfect and wonderful
you are, and that you're my sunshine, even though you're killing me. Even though
you're breaking my heart, I still love you. You told me that I gave you my heart and
I need to trust that you're going to be with me forever. I seriously wanted to scream
at you and yell and call you a bitch and tell you to fuck off. But I can't do that. I
can't tell you to leave me alone. You're breaking my heart. Chelsea said she was
going to laugh whenever that happened. It totally pisses me off that I can't be
friends with her anymore, because she was one of my best friends, but I'm glad that
I'm not talking to her, because I don't want her to laugh and tell me I should've
listened to her. I told you that I feel like Bella in New Moon, whenever Edward
leaves. You're my Edward. But you haven't left. My heart isn't completely broken.
Because you're still here. You're still my best friend and you're still here and you
still love me. But you aren't completely mine. You are to an extent, but not totally.
You say you're doing this for the both of us, but don't you realize that this isn't
helping me. This is killing me. I don't want Jason to be right. I don't want Jason to
be right about you breaking up with me. I don't want him to be right about everything
he said. He isn't right about most things he did, but I don't want him to be right
about anything. He sucks. He's a bitch. He doesn't deserve to be right. Austin asked
me if I wanted him to kick your ass. I told him no. He asked me if I was sure. I told
him that I was sure. I never want someone to kick your ass. Even if we're not
together forever. I don't want anyone, especially that
ugly-red-plaid-boxer-wearing-skater-dude-hippie-midget, to kick your ass. I don't
care if you break my heart. No one is going to kick your ass for it. Even if Austin
does, it wasn't because I told him to. I told him not to. You brought my self-esteem
up so much. I finally was starting to think I'm beautiful and that I'm just a tiny
bit deserving of you. You did that. But now I don't think any of that. Do you realize
that that is also because of you? You're breaking my heart. But I just want to be
with you. I'm not going to go out with any other dude, because I know that no one is
going to compare with you. No one. I still love you. I'll still do anything
for you. I still care about your happiness more than anything. I'm still helplessly
in love with you. Nothing will ever change that. Just please be with me. Please.
Please reassure me that you'll be with me forever. That you love me. That we will go
to Italy. Please. Iloveyou.
Last edited: 29 November 2009

Be the first to comment:

Next entry: Don't forget to look before you fall. in category Whatever..
You can also go directly to the next entry in category <3
Related Entries
‹Up-in-the-Clouds›: Best Friend Test
sarahnicole: Best friend test
Xima: Are you really...You? Rant/Venting
trinaboo: today.. today..
Conspiring: Sick Damn the World

About Kupika    Contact    FAQs    Terms of Service    Privacy Policy    Online Safety
Copyright © 2005-2012