Wednesday, 24 June 2009
03:43:54 AM (GMT)
........Don't even bitch at me saying I don't hate them, and that it's just me being
All through 7th grade we've been fighting more then usual but everything was okay
once I came back from Mexico.......then half way through 8th grade all hell broke
loose. I don't think we can go back to the way we were. We just annoy the hell out of
each other. They should had divorced a long time ago, but Mom says she's staying with
Dad for me. Oh yeah. Like the fighting's not gonna be worse then a divorce. Dad is
planning on separation soon, you can tell he means it, a month ago might have been
the third time he kicked her out. Personally, I really don't care. No, it's not me
trying to be tough. I've found other things to make up for it. I really did, do, love
them but....they just piss me off.
I could understand if it was "we do this for your good." But they are just trying to
deal with what they got. Me.
It's their fault for having a family when they are so fucking old!!!! And they aren't
suited for it. Vietnam left my Dad with hallucinations, depression and a fucked up
nervous system. Oh, and no tolerance for certain behavior(stupidity and anyone's
whining but his).
He’s very reasonable, he has great advice. The simplest things make him happy but
he doesn’t get them so he’s bitter. He’s been everywhere seen everything, and I
think he should be a hermit. He’s my favorite parent. And he has itchy feet, he
can’t stay in one place, he looks for perfection. I love to listen about his
childhood stories and views.
Conversation (when we aren’t fighting) is very pleasant. It hasn’t been for a
I wish we could return to where we were in tune with each other. My aunts say I’m a
mini version of him. He’s nicer though, his consideration is because he cares, mine
is so I won’t have to see people miserable, that way I won’t be sad.
Mom is a narcissist. No, really three of the seven shrinks she’s gone to said she
was the most selfish and cold person they'd ever seen. The only person she ever
really cared for was her own Mother. Her past and reasoning has something to do with
all that I think. She is tough, manipulative, clever, and street smart. I admire her
for it, but it disgusts me that she denies her nature. She’s brainwashed herself
into thinking she loves and cares about things she doesn’t. She reminds me of
Scarlet O’Hara. She takes care of me because I’m her love investment. I’m
supposed to love her back with all my heart and listen to her always. People look at
her as a leader, she is one. She sweet talks you till her views make sense to you.
She doesn’t like blacks or gays thanks to Mexican 60’s stereotypes her father
passed on to her.
So what’d they do this time?
They are making me fly to Illinois to visit my family again.
Earlier this year I agreed to go, but I hurt myself on a skateboard so it was
Recently, I thought I wasn’t going to go…..but they conned me into it by saying
my aunts are old (very old) and if they die I won’t be able to say good-bye
“….just like your grandparents, Honey…..” Low blow, I loved them very much. I
agreed to go because I felt bad that I honestly didn’t care if I didn’t say bye,
I‘d rather make it to Chelsea‘s birthday. They were important to me before when I
was little, very little but I don’t remember any of it and they’re not here for
me now, like Chelsea is. I’m going to be back in the 19th of July and Chels said it
was okay for us to celebrate late. But we aren’t.
Father said no. He said the only thing I’ve done is hurt myself, and I “don’t
deserve to sleep over.” Fucking bitch. I sent two hours crying and I plan to
ignore them and be a brat till they get so pissed they have to let me go. I can do
this. I’m an only child. Even if Jerry (dad) says I’m a bad whiner, I’ll be as
obnoxious as I know how, no matter I’m bad at holding grudges, this is worth
fighting tooth and nail for. And if they don’t let me go at least my bitching will
get on their fucking nerves as revenge.
Last edited: 12 June 2010