Tuesday, 12 August 2008
08:42:07 PM (GMT)
I'm not going to lie to you...I haven't been well.
So far this is whats happened in my life.
I've learned thing I never want to learn.
I've grown...When I didn't wish to.
Now as I see my friends in pain and Disease ridden,
I realize that I can't take it all away.
I want to...but I can't.
It weighs me down to much.
I hate cryigng every night.
The choices I make now,
Will either cost me my life,
or someone elses.
I'll either have to give up my life for the sake of making others happy,
or I'll have to watch my friends fall one by one.
I wish I had someone to talk to...
but I've learned that when I put my faith or trust into someone,
they either leave, or they break it.
Never again do I wish to go through pain such as that.
So I ask this of you as a friend...
Please refrain from comming to me about problems.
I don't wish to know...
I dont wish to gain knowledge
I only wish to lie happily.
If theres something wrong with you please,
please...just for a moment let me belive that
With all that I've dealt with...when somthing is wrong.
I always jump to the conclusion of death.
And I dont like thining my friend is going to die...
So please let me have hope.
I know hope is one thing I've always frowned upon.
But I've never needed it as much as I do now.
I am not alright.
But I can pretend to be.
There will be times when I am with you,
that I may go scilent, I may cry, I may day dream,
I may go through a sudden rage wave, or
I may go off by myself.
Theese are the times when I need a friend the most.
Please no matter what I say...give me a hug, and
just let me cry on your shoulder for a bit.
I wont tell you whats wrong I just need,
sometimes to know that people care.
That if I were to die I'd be missed.
Sometimes I just need to know that
I am noticed and wanted.
In my darkest days
I do need some ray of light.
This is a warning to all.
That I am not okay,
but I will pretend to be.
If there is a day I can't hold that up.
That is the day I need a friend the most.
That is the day that I will know who is my true friend.
Please be that friend on that day.
I know its whimpy of me to be doing this,
but I've learned that I need to tell people,
what's going on other wise I become this huge wreck.
And I can't take the pain.
In person if you ask me about this.
If you recite any of this.
I will break down.
I will ignore you.
I will go somewhere and break down.
I will refrain from letting you see my tears.
So in person don't ask about this.
Over the computer is the only way
I feel confident enough to say things.
Or rather the only way I'm positive
No one can see my tears.
So keep what I've said in mind please.
I thought I should let my friends know that.