Wednesday, 14 February 2007
01:30:10 AM (GMT)
NOW WITH HALF OF THE SPELLING ERRORS!!
Here's the tale of the trip my friends and I made at the beginning of Christmas
break. We all were in Ryan’s minivan and the first stop was the greatest military
surplus store in the world (that’s what we refer to it as). On the way we all did
our best not to fall asleep since the threat was the first to fall asleep was going
to be dick-faced, which was a hollow threat since nobody had a sharpie.
So we get there and all pile out of the van and start tearing through these big
garbage cans filled with bargain goods like hats, odds and ends, mostly clothing.
Then we venture inside. It’s amazing, there's stuff everywhere, shelves and racks
and everything. There's stuff hanging from the walls like uniforms of all kinds and
sizes, and racks in the rafters to hold swords (which only I could easily reach since
I'm a tall gangly freak) I was pulling them down one at a time to look and hold them.
There were wooden swords, old swords, crappy swords, and then I get to this big boony
knife. I pull it down and on it is engraved very nicely "The Imperial order of the Ku
Klux Klan convention of 1907" :0
So we're all passing it around thinking holy crap I'm holding a Ku Klux Klan knife!?
We go to the hats section and little Pattywack who is this 5'4" skinny white boy like
16 years old and we give him a big hat and he makes all of these funny sounds like
""OOOohhohOhoh" and "weeeheeheheehee" I'm sorry that you couldn't hear them for
yourself XD. Then there are the little doodads that they have by the register, they
had flashlights that would shock you, and they had little switchblade lighter things.
I distinctly remember playing with one of the switchblades when Ryan warns me
“Anthony plans to bludgeon you with a rubber baton” Sure enough I could tell he
was up to something. So I grabbed one myself and fought back when he made his move,
but ended up running down the very narrow isles of jackets getting my butt smacked XD
Not cool at the time but I now realize that it was indeed funny.
After spending like 2 hours in there we pile back into the van and continue to the
OK. We go to Bubba Gumps, which has become our Monterey tradition. But before we got
there you see what we often do in these outings is assign each other "tasks" for
example, Gabe's ( Gabe is a 6'1" very fat half Mexican) task was to walk in the
middle of the road at the parking complex until he was either flipped off or called a
fat ass. People actually went around him and seemed to just ignore the oblivious
dumpy guy strolling down the middle of the road. XD
We get to Bubba Gumps and make reservations for 6 and then head over to the little
mall right beside bubba gumps. Inside the mall is a candy shop where Ryan buys this
box of Harry Potter Jelly Beans XD Here are a few of the flavors. Ear Wax, Boogers,
dirt, worms, sardine, rotten egg(THE worst one, soap, grass, and uhh cherry, kiwi,
lemon drop, and grape.
So we stood there in a circle outside of Bubba Gumps and passed the box around XD
each person shaking the box and pouring out some Jelly beans with the rules as thus.
If one or two fall out you eat both, if more than two fall out then people take away
random jelly beans from your hand until you have two. My gosh I kept getting dirt!!!
Everyone would either be earth worm and soap or dirt! and earthworm and dirt were
practically the same thing!! AAAAaaaaAAAHHhHXD
Poor Ezra got the worst combination there, he got sardines and ear wax, Ryan took a
picture of the awful face Ezra was making XD Freaking pattywack kept getting all of
the good flavors! He's like *chew chew chew* well... mine tastes like uh cherry soap"
*shrugs* NOT FAIR!
Alright, we made it to our table at Bubba Gumps "With a huge sea side window kick
ass!" We order our food. Those of us who were smart ordered the fried chicken since
it was a confirmed good thing to order. Poor Pattywack ordered the fish N chips and
paid $11 and was still hungry!!! My meal came to $20.56 -_- Bubba Gumps is nice and
all but it’s NOT worth the money. So I got a doggy bad for my left over steak and
we were off! We went down to the rocky shore where the boulders were a good 0- 40 ft
up from the waves.
Last year we came and did the same thing and I was hopping from rock to rock (some of
the 40 ft ones) and I totally eat it! I nearly slid down to the waves but I caught
myself with my elbow XD it hurt so bad and I was bleeding like a stuck pig. Luckily
freaking Gabe took a random picture of me in mid air like 1/2 a second before I "ate
shit" as is the proper term.
so we're there and pattywack finds a star fish and tries to rip it off of the rock XD
saying "Come here you little bastard I want to kill you!" He's like a little kid it
was Hilarious!! the he finds a piece of Re-bar and pries the starfish from the rock
and shoves it in a sea anemone XD he also throws a few hermit crabs into other sea
anemones. And we're walking and we find a huge horizontal crack in a rock with some
rock crabs inside it. And you know the anatomy of a crab well enough to know it has a
lobster tail that is usually up against its belly. But his one's tail was hanging
there and the little legs (I forgot the proper term) were wiggling there and Patrick
XD grabs my box with my chicken, opens it and throws a piece into the crack right by
the crab and says "come on dumb shit close your ass and eat the chicken!!!" XD we all
laughed so hard.
So we're going farther and farther down to the beach and there out of the corner of
my eye in the waves there is a plastic bag, and the i knew it was a jellyfish!!!! It
was bigger than a basket ball and was translucent and had nifty stripes irradiating
from the top that were bright purple. So I RUN over to it and say "OMG A FUCKING
JELLYFISH!" (yea, we swear a lot when the time calls for it XD I sorry) So I bend
over and poke the top and I'm like "YEA first to poke a jellyfish!" Anthony who's
another half mexican coconut he's about 5'6 and is well built goes "Damn it I wanted
to do that!!" and after he pokes the jellyfish we're all gathered around, Ryan takes
a picture and I'll see if I can get those pics from him so you can see! and Anthony
goes and gets a pipe and says "Here Pattywack, vent our your childhood aggression on
this jellyfish" Patrick goes "WRAA!" and stabs it and kills it good, yea it WAS alive
since when he stabbed it it moved a bit.
No jellyfish can't feel pain and don't have souls, jellyfish don't even have an
actual brain, get over it cupcake
After the Jellyfish slaughter we went up the beach towards civilization but it was
fenced in at this part -_- So Anthony, being half mexican just Jumped the fence in
one swift motion... I followed and my pants got caught so it took me a little longer
-_- At the top just a few feet away watching us was this black dude who says "you
seem pretty good at that, do it often?" Anthony replies with a grin "No!, I'm half
mexican! :D" XD and so after like ten minutes the others come around the rocks where
After that we decide to check out the cigar shop JUST BECAUSE WE COULD! Since none of
us smoke. Then we went down the row walking into each shop, leaving in our wake
destruction and chaos. We all walk into another shop and go "wow, it stinks in
here..." I turn to Patrick and say "Dooo IIItttt!!" Patrick gets the Que. and yells
"It smells funny in here!!!" Laughing our asses off we just walk out with everyone
staring at us XD I can't remember what my task was so I can't tell you :/
After that we went through a few more shops and one had a bunch of cheap Asian made
plastic Viking helmets and we all turn to Gabe, or Gob as we call him (no there is no
reason, Anthony said it once and it stuck) we make him put it on and here's that
picture XD He looks retarded and proud of it! Oh yea, I remember my task now, it was
to simply ask how much the helmet was in a funny voice, and when the gal working
there says $13 0.0 I said "Screw that!" as I turned around and walked away XD yes,
she heard me loud and clear, yes we're asses sometimes but at least nobody is hurt XD
Since its getting late we decide to head home and on the way through the town Gabe
yells at pedestrians, he says stuff like "I'M WATCHING YOU!! *points*" and "JESUS
LOVES YA DAMNIT!" I believe he also yelled "AMERICAAA FUCK YEA!" to a bunch of
"darkies" as Gabe calls them at a car wash XD Past that we all sang along to
Tenacious D for the rest of the ride home, it was all quite glorious. And when we got
back we all went to Gob's house to watch AMV Hell 3. I've seen that movie 10 times
and i love it XD