Saturday, 4 August 2012
03:32:41 AM (GMT)
I've not yet decided if I'll let people read this, I just need somewhere to rant.
It seems tonight's just a horrible night to feel. Maybe it's the full moon. Isn't
weird shit supposed to happen during a full moon or something? I can even see it from
my bed, all the more reason to shut my blinds.
Because all it does is remind me of the nights I laid out under the stars and talked
to you. Made me feel close to you to be under the same sky. Telling eachother what
stars we could see, then realizing we were looking at the same image in the sky. And
then the night I stole my mom's phone after a few days of not having my own, just so
I could call you. And how I ended up sneaking out, laying out in the street, staring
up at the full moon while I was talking to you. Telling you I missed you so damned
much. I remember that really well. Cause I started crying some. And tried so very
hard to hide it from you.
Or the first night you called me after two weeks of no contact. It was on your mom's
phone. I could see the moon quite well from my window that night. And I just laid in
bed, watching the clouds as They passed in front of the moon. It was bright then too.
I don't think i enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed talking to you after such a long
I suppose I could just list all my memories. This is my space afterall.
I remember writing you a letter. I don't remember if I only sent you two or three. I
doubt you ever received my recent. That's alright. She wouldnt like that.
I wonder if you even kept my first one... I think I'd expect you to have given it to
your cat to shred. Maybe that's what was happening the day you asked where I had
gotten ducky paperclips. Haha, imagining that makes me tear up like a little bitch.
I remember the first time you told me you loved me. I know you meant it. Maybe not
anymore, but you did then. You were so fucking shy and I adored it. I smiled and
blushed and shyly told you I loved you too.
You didn't believe I had meant it. But I truly did.
Lol that last part was written before the tearing up like a bitch part, for future
reference. Though I doubt I'll forget it now.
I think I'll stop typing this out now. It started out constructive and turned into
harmful. It was a tad helpful though. However, if you ever read this, don't you dare
ever fucking say I never truly cared for you.
I was fucking stupid to let you escape. And when you left completely, it fucked over
everything I had built up to try and keep myself alright.
I don't want to talk to her, I don't want to be near you, especially when you're with
her. I apologize for not realizing it til it was too late. I really hope she makes
Haha, this is so going on protected. I just reread all of that, an I sound like a
dramatic little faggot. But fuck did it help.