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This diary entry is written by ‹xxxlet_me_bleedxxx›. ( View all entries )
 
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i am outstanding at nothing but i am good at eveythingCategory: (general)
Thursday, 9 December 2010
12:30:04 AM (GMT)
So i guess i havent written in a while sorry about that my self...iv been busy and i guess i havent really wanted to acknowlage the fact that im going down hill, maybe i thoguht that if i ignored it for long enough it would cease to exist. well it hasnt i have gone fomr bad to worse. Basically my emotionas and behavior have been so volitle and uncontrolable that im loosing it. I dont even know even my friends think its weird and i cant stop myself its like my logic is levaing me and its scarey. iv allways relied on my mind to keep me centered and slightly balanced but thats leaving. In an attempt to get eveything back to normal i also went back to my razor blades...but they woudlnt cut deep enough so i got a box cutter.....yesterday i thoguht i severed a vein becuase i bled though two ace bandages and like 20 bandaids o well it didnt cause im not dead form blood lose. this is bad becuase i said i would stop i recognize that cutting myself isnt healthy but i cant help it i act on my impulses when im in this state of mind i just hope one day my impulse doesnt take me to far....or do i? the onyl good thing about this is i know what my problem is...im in love with my straight best friend who lets face it is ignorning me right now. I dont belive in love but that word is the closest i can come to describing the feeling that i get when im around her...its tearing me appart not expresing it keeping it hidden from pryiing eyes that would use this weakness to take me down. To make matters worse she isnt even hanging around me as much anymore....i think my volitile and impiulsivness of late repulses her and its just so frustrating i coudl cry...she is the only thing i have wanted since my first eveything left me 7 years ago and she is what i can never ever have. i hate my life right now i really do no one knows me they dont know my thoughts i act evey day...i wear a mask literaly i force myself to portray one aspect of my being all the time not a slip up at all in my flawless facade. i have worn it for so long and for so offten that i almost belive it to be true...then i come home and i look in my mirror and i relize its a lie a complext and woven lie but that is all that it is in the scheme of things. random hahaaha ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? start thinking something you really really want * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You have just been visited by SERAH I will grant you one wish. Make your wish when the count down is over. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 MAKE A WISH >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> repost this with the title "pregnancy test" to throw people off and your wish will come true. If you don't, it will become the opposite Did you know? before you go to sleep at night there is one person thinking of you. They want you they want to kiss you, They want to be with you they are always thinking about you before they go to sleep at night they are longing to be with you. This is all true not a fake if you repost this to in 5 mins the person that is longing to be with you will approach you in a month and ask you out or grab you and kiss the face off you. But if you break this chain no one will like you or ask you again for 5 years!!! Post this in the next 200 seconds and you WILL have THE best day of your life THIS FRIDAY. You're number one *love* Will either kiss you, ask you out, or grab you and kiss your face off or kill you !!!! so be ready honey
Last edited: 9 December 2010

Comments 
‹fragmented_reflections› says :   2 January 2011   538590  
awww im sorry love im sure it will be all ok one day

 
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