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This diary entry is written by Kirti. ( View all entries )
 
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How I veiw peopleCategory: (general)
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
03:02:19 AM (GMT)
Sometimes I wonder if other people veiw people the way I do... It just seems like
we're trapped by what a "normal" conversation is, and it stops us from getting close
to each other. I want to do and say things that will bring me closer toward whatever
goal I want to acheive, but because I don't want to excede the boanderies of
politeness I just end up running paralell to my starting point. Or something. I
dunno, maybe it'd be better if I drew pictures of what I'm trying to say.

But while I'm struggeling to do and say what I want to do and say in such a way that
I don't push the person away, the other person always seems to be flourishing,
completly satisfide to speak in banter, preapproved by all of society. On the other
hand, since not flourishing within banter is exactly the strangeness I work to avoid,
maybe I give off the same impression?

Comments 
‹SqueeneyTodd› says:   7 April 2010   431802  
Coming out of your comfort space can be difficult, especially when it
comes to speaking about things that differ from the norm. For example,
I sometimes ask "what do you not like about me?" It's awkward, but I
want to know what they think. 
I want to make our friendship stronger, but it's hard to do something
like that when the normal thing to talk about doesn't help.
Am I on the right track? I'm sick and trying to understand exactly
what you're saying. Sorry if I completely missed the point.
 
Kirti says:   7 April 2010   312704  
@animeaquamarinemermaid 
It's not coming out of my space that makes me uncomfortable. Just the
oppisite. I want to say what I mean without having to be so diplomatic
that my point is lost. But without that diplomacy the conversation
ends almost instantly, so I still don't get what I need...

It's not that you missed a point, I just suck at making them... If it
helps, I read all your diaries (I just don't always comment.) Why is
forming freindships over the internet so hard? 
 
‹SqueeneyTodd› says:   7 April 2010   933291  
@Kirti 
No, I mean it may be harder for the other person to come out of their
comfort zone. It's obvious that you're trying and  truly want to
connect with people.
Some people are comfortable with talking about normal, sometimes
trivial things. Maybe you should  try to slow down and ease them into
talking about more intimate subjects.

Why is it hard? Maybe it's because you can't really talk face to face.
A person can exit a conversation without saying anything by logging
off or acting as if his/her internet stopped working. Also, we have
time to think and edit our responses (well, not everyone edits
them, per se). When talking IRL with someone, speaking without
thinking is common, and a lot of the time we say exactly what we think
instead of mincing words.
Am I rambling? D: 
 
Kirti says:   8 April 2010   648725  
@animeaquamarinemermaid 
You'd think the ability to edit would make a conversation easier. No
stuttering or tripping over your own tounge... But in practice we
do end up rambling. I guess if we ramble face to face, the
other people can interject and the conversation continues, but when we
have all the time to say everything... 
 
‹SqueeneyTodd› says:   8 April 2010   115712  
@Kirti 
When I go on a certain forum, there's a lot a can say, but I never do.
I have a habit of reading over my post and thinking, "Wait, I don't
think I should say this. I'll look stupid." You can't really do that
in real life, you know?

Plus, you can't just randomly walk away in real life. On the internet,
if a conversation becomes awkward and no one has anything to add, a
person can log off and make excuses for it later. 
 
Kirti says:   9 April 2010   202335  
@animeaquamarinemermaid 
I do actually. I can't really help it. How many times did you hear
people warning you to think before you speak growing up? Maybe our
problem is that we didn't abandon that rule when we were eight like
everyone else.How can you convey a point if you can't risk that point
sounding bad?

I do agree that logging out is a short term benefit, but it doesn't do
anything for getting better with people or getting to know the person
you're specifically logging out on... And it's easier to avoid that
awkwardnessin the first place when you can watch their body language.
(I suppose tone of voice is important too, but no more so than
punctuation. I guess.) 
 
‹SqueeneyTodd› says:   9 April 2010   325870  
@Kirti 
I get what you're saying. I've pretty much been taught to hold back
when speaking to people. I've just recently realized that, hey, I
don't have to keep my opinions to myself, but I still have problems
with making myself clear.


No one around me is comfortable with serious topics. If the
conversation gets too heated or serious, my friends will just say,
"Let's just drop the subject! Did I tell you about [insert random
topic here]?" So, yeah, since I'm usually the one who enters a
conversation when it's already going, I end up thinking that they
won't want to hear me. 
In the end, I either think too much or don't think at all. :X 
 
Kirti says:   9 April 2010   134061  
@animeaquamarinemermaid 
And if you do share your opinion and you get a weird look, where do
you go from there? It takes so little to reduce a conversation to
awkward back peddling. Logging out is much more comofrtable.

How much are we supposed to be thinking? I hate it when I
realize that I haven't been thinking... Aware but not concious,
concious but not aware. Do your friends really just quit a topic in
the middle? I always thought of you as someone who's freinds
alternated between being hilarious, and then had deep discussions for
hours... (Sorry.) 
 
Kirti says:   9 April 2010   283265  
Every now and then I assume penpals are living like all of life is
XKCD.
 
‹SqueeneyTodd› says:   9 April 2010   599049  
@Kirti 
The conversation pretty much goes nowhere. It just gets awkward. >.<
Yeah, logging out is much easier, and you can't really stutter on the
internet.

Nah, they don't really get deep into subjects that I'm interested. The
most intelligent conversation I've ever had was probably with you at
some point or another. Trust me, I'd love to meet someone my age who
is like that. I want a friend that I can talk about serious things
and joke around, but so far all my friends just joke. 

I had a bit of an epiphany a while ago, but it seems so obvious now. 
I have too much time to think. All I ever do is talk to myself,
thinking about the world and problems and how I can improve all the
problems in my personality and... I don't know. I don't get out that
much, and I've become comfortable with staying home and entertaining
myself. I guess I never really learned to talk and connect with other
people. 
 
‹SqueeneyTodd› says:   9 April 2010   581813  
@Kirti 
Gawd, I love xkcd. I wish I could live like that. I think I posted one
of the comics in my picstream a while ago. XD 
 
Kirti says:   10 April 2010   204762  
I-I mean you can but... But, well, it's more to amke a point
than anything else.

I see what your saying. Is it so wrong to want to be able to ask "What
is the meaning of life" without someone shouting "forty two"? We all
need some forty two, a lot of it even, but surely there's more to our
minds than that. Maybe we could interest people by trying to discuss
metacognition. We all think,so thinking about thought should be
like a point of universal common interst. Right? <-- Wishful thinking
at it's sleepiest.

I never learned that either. Two much reading animal books and playing
with plushies while all the kids in my neiborhood hung out at Troy's
house. For the record, that Troy kid is now uber popular in school. It
kind of confirms your epiphany further...

^Posted at 2:20 in the morning^ This should account for most logical
or grammtical errors therein.
 
‹BurningForYou› says:   10 April 2010   475180  
Wtf does xkcd stand for?._.
 
Kirti says:   10 April 2010   887860  
@BleedingSadness 
I... have no idea actually. Lemme Google it. Okay, according to the
writers website 
"It's not actually an acronym. It's just a word with no phonetic
pronunciation -- a treasured and carefully-guarded point in the space
of four-character strings. " 
 
‹BurningForYou› says:   11 April 2010   148749  
@Kirti 
I see...sounds stupid.. 
 
Kirti says:   11 April 2010   926067  
@BleedingSadness 
Not at all. It's actually not easy to come up with four letters that
can't possibly be pronounced. 
 
‹BurningForYou› says:   13 April 2010   699375  
@Kirti 
I pronounced it. 
 
Kirti says :   14 April 2010   580498  
@BleedingSadness 
It's not pronouncable, you just make a series of hissing
noises. That, or you add sounds of letters that aren't there. 
 

 
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