Monday, 16 June 2008
10:28:21 PM (GMT)
Originally I was going to put a paragraph somewhere where Kyle and Bebe and Wendy and
Stan slow-danced, but couldn't find somewhere to put it and abandoned it altogether.
Oh, do I cry for you, my dear paragraph.
I may or may not show it in another diary entry, though.
This is the part where you all rejoice.
I hope you enjoy this wonderfully [not] long one-shot of mine.
By the way, I do not own South Park. The geniuses Trey Parker and Matt Stone do.
All the South Park fanfics I do are one-shots. Right now.
"Hey, dude," greeted Kyle. He stood at Stan's door, holding out a gift wrapped in
blue gift wrap. "Happy 13th birthday."
"Thanks, dude," replied Stan, taking the box. "Come in."
Stan moved out of the way to let his best friend in.
"Hey, am I the first one here?" asked Kyle.
"Yeah, dude," said Stan, plopping on the couch. "Hey, wanna play Guitar Hero?"
"Sure," said Kyle, smirking.
"Great," Stan said. "Let's see if we still got it."
"Trust me, Stan," said Kyle. "We still got it."
They played a couple of songs, and got perfect score on every single one of them.
"Told you," said Kyle mockingly as they put away the guitars.
"I guess you did," Stan said, chuckling. They both sat down on the couch.
"I bet that's Kenny," Stan predicted. He jumped up and opened the door. He was
"Hey, Stan." Kenny's words could be heard perfectly. He had not ditched his trademark
parka. He just put down the hood. But he did ditch his orange pants and wore jeans.
"Here's your present, sorry if it wasn't much."
"As long as it's from one of my friends, I'll treasure it forever," said Stan.
"Aw, Stan," gushed Kenny jokingly in a high-pictched voice. "You're so sweet."
Stan laughed. "Yes, marry me, my dear Kenny!"
"No way, he's mine!" Kyle said, in an even higher-pitched voice than Kenny's.
"Besides, it's 'till death do us part'!"
"Stanny-kins!" said Kenny. "Kyle is making fun of me!" He widened his eyes in an
attempt to look innocent.
"'EY! Kenny! Stan! Jew!"
The three boys' attention turned to their old 'friend'.
Cartman threw Stan's present in his face.
"Cartman!" scolded Kyle and Kenny.
"Dudes, it's okay," Stan assured, holding Cartman's gift in his hand. "Gah. I'm not
bleeding, am I?"
"Hey, Stan," said Kenny, pointing to two girls across the street.
"What?" said Stan, glancing to where Kenny had pointed.
"Bebe..and Wendy," said Kyle.
Bebe and Wendy noticed them noticing them.
Wendy and Stan's eyes met for one second, before Wendy, with Bebe, quickly walked
"Dude, she looked at me!" said Kyle. "Bebe-"
"Yeah," said Stan. "Let's go in."
They all entered Stan's house.
"By the way, Stan," Kenny said, staring awkwardly at Stan's lip. "You ARE bleeding.
"Ugh!" exclaimed Stan, running into the kitchen. The other three boys could hear
"Four years and he still hasn't gotten the hang of it," sighed Kenny.
"Dude, some people never change," said Kyle.
"Yeah, take Kyle, example," Cartman said, smirking as Kyle glared at him.
"Don't do it, Cartman-"
"He's still a Jew, and his mom's still-"
"I'm warning you, Cartman!"
"Weeeeeeeeeeell!!" Cartman sang.
"Damn it, Cartman!"
Kyle tackled Cartman.
"I warned you, Cartman!"
"'Ey, get off me, you Jew!"
"I said I warned you!"
"STOP!" Stan's voice erupted like a volcano, and Kyle, who had pinned down Cartman,
looked up at him. Kenny stared at Kyle and Cartman in disbelief, and Cartman glared
"Dude! It's my birthday, can you not fight?" Stan glared at all of them, and Kenny
put up his arms, with an 'I'm-not-part-of-this' look.
"This is so wrong, get off!"
Kyle got off Cartman. "You bastard," he muttered.
Cartman flipped him off in a Craig-like manner.
"Whatever," said Stan. "I'm getting the pizza. And no fighting!" Stan disappeared
into the kitchen, and in seconds he came back with a box of pizza.
"Eat up," Stan said, grinning.
"All right!" Kenny said, opening the box and grabbing a piece.
They all grabbed a piece.
"Hey. I have seven presents," Stan said, noticing his presents beside the green
"Yeah, so?" said Kyle, chewing on his piece of pizza.
"You, Cartman, Kenny, Mom, Dad, Shelly..and who?"
He picked up each present and checked who gave it.
"All but one says who it's from."
"Yeah, so?" said Cartman. "Maybe someone decided to give you another one."
The gift from the anonymous person was wrapped in pink gift wrap.
"Pink?" said Kenny. "That's from a girl."
"Shelly's too abusive for pink, and Mom knows me too well for pink," said Stan.
"Yeah, maybe they wanted to disguise it, Stan," said Cartman.
"Why?" said Stan.
"Who knows, Stan," said Kyle. "Girls are so confusing."
"Ha!" shrieked a voice from the kitchen.
The boys' attention turned to the kitchen.
"Sorry!" said Sharon.
"You guys," they heard Shelly hiss.
"What? It's only Shelly and Mom in there," Stan said. "Dude, this seriously bugs
"All right, Stan, we'll find out what's going on in there," said Kyle.
"Thanks," said Stan.
"It's ninja time," joked Kenny, getting up.
"Aw! Aw, come on, guys! This is gay!" protested Cartman.
"Shut up, Cartman," said Kyle.
"No Jew can tell me to shu-"
"Shut the hell up, Cartman!" said Kenny, clenching his fists.
"Oh, yeah, poor boy? What are you going to do?" said Cartman, pushing up his
"This!" As he said that, Kenny socked Cartman in the face.
Cartman stumbled back, but didn't fall.
"Damn," said Kyle, staring at the fight. "Kenny puts up one. Hell. Of. A. Fight!" He
paused in between words to emphasize.
Stan, too, stared, but this time, didn't try to stop it.
"Great, this will serve as a distraction," he said as Kenny placed his knees on
Cartman's stomach and punched him repeatedly on his face, while Cartman helplessly
tried to defend himself with his forearms.
"Dude!" exclaimed Kyle with a horrified look on his face. Cartman had finally landed
a punch on Kenny. His stomach, actually.
Kenny clutched his stomach, in pain, and Cartman grabbed his hair. He jerked Kenny's
head back and forth.
"Take that, Kenny!" Cartman yelled.
"Dude, this is getting out of-" began Kyle.
"I thought we promised to be best friends, Cartman! But ever since you came here,
you've given nothing but shit to Stan!" yelled Kenny.
Stan pretended he hadn't heard, but those words sent a chill down his spine. He
pressed his back against the wall and peeked in the kitchen. Kyle, behind him, asked,
"Dude, what's up?"
There were four people in the kitchen, all preparing Stan's birthday cake.
"Do you think Stan would like a football on his cake?" said a girl in a yellow skirt.
"Well, he is pretty athletic," said a girl with curly blonde hair. Bebe.
"I'd like it if there was poison," said Shelly.
"Shelly!" scolded Stan's mom.
Stan turned back to Kyle. "Dude!" he said, shocked. "Wendy and Bebe are here!"
"What?!" replied Kyle. "Move!" Stan was pushed away as Kyle peeked into the kitchen.
"Dude!" Stan exclaimed, entering the kitchen. "What are they doing here?" He looked
at Shelly, but pointed at Wendy and Bebe.
"They're preparing your cake," answered Shelly harshly, glaring at him. "You should
"But I didn't invite them!" protested Stan.
"But I did," replied Shelly. "And I can!"
"Ugh!" Stan said, with a disgusted look on his face. "I can't believe you, Shelly!"
Stan thought back to times when Shelly punched and kicked and hurt him. On second
thought, he could believe it.
Suddenly, he felt a tug on his sleeve. He turned around. Wendy looked at him. He was
probably too busy fighting with Shelly to notice anyone else.
"Come over here for a second." Wendy jerked her head towards the corner of the
kitchen. She let go of Stan's sleeve and walked over to the corner where she had
directed, Stan hesitantly following behind.
"Look," she whispered as Stan reached the corner. "I'm really sorry about this."
"Hn," was all Stan could manage to say. Or grunt. He crossed his arms.
"I know we broke up a few months ago, but you said we could still be friends,"
Stan couldn't remember agreeing to that at all.
"Yeah, but this was supposed to be a party for me and my three best friends," said
"GRAAAH!" A voice came from the living room, and it sounded like Cartman. Wendy and
Stan turned to Sharon. She didn't seem to notice.
Stan looked at Wendy, and Wendy looked back.
"Yes, but we didn't interfere," said Wendy.
"Didn't interfere! Didn't you give me that pink present?" asked Stan.
"Yes, why? I wanted to disguise it by hiding it in pink," replied Wendy.
"That's what got me thinking. And then I said it to my friends-"
"Well, you shouldn't have mentioned it-"
"I could mention it to whoever I want to-"
"That's what this is all about, isn't it?! You want everything your way-"
Their voices got louder and louder, and they started talking faster and faster.
"I don't! You do!"
"I can't believe I liked you, you really are a jerk, Stan!"
"I can't believe I liked you, Wendy, after all those times you broke my heart
by breaking up with me!"
The whole house was quiet for a few seconds. Out of the corner of his eye, Stan could
see Kenny's bleeding face and Cartman's badly bruised one pop out behind Kyle, who
was watching the fight.
But then Wendy yelled, "Maybe I had to!"
"No, Wendy, you had a choice!"
"Maybe I thought you were too good for me!"
"Maybe I thought different!"
"Maybe I didn't want to know what you thought!"
"Maybe I want to kiss you!"
"Maybe I let you!"
"Maybe I will!"
They both leaned in and kissed.
Stan could hear his dad's voice.
"Hey, why don't our fights end like that?"