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This diary entry is written by ‹✖[[AntisocialButterfly]]✖›. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: (untitled) in category So Fucking Done

(untitled)Category: So Fucking Done
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
01:59:01 AM (GMT)
Lying face down, lying face down
In the gutter now so damn proud
Well I know I know I know
It's my fault 
It's my fault 

This song is stuck in my head
It doesn't matter what he says
Doesn't matter what bullshit he tries to pull
I know who I am
I know I'm her 

No one gives me a chance at anything
Everyone just assumes I can't do it
And this is the only reason I can't
If anyone ever fucking believed in me?
It would be way too easy 

All I even know right now
Is that this song is stuck in my head
And I'd like a cigarette 
And I'm not beautiful 

You can't even deny it:
Everyone gives the pretty people a chance.
And a second chance.
And a fifty-sixth chance.
But me, I get nothing.

You have to understand, 
my friends are perfect.
Alesha sings better than anyone ever did,
And she got into concert choir as a freshman.
No one does that. No one is that good.
But she is.
She's also beautiful. And skinny. Small, in general.
Everything looks good on her. 
She's just perfect in every way.

And then there's Joya.
Holy crap, Joya.
This girl is the most outgoing person, she's hilarious,
And she has so much personality that it radiates from her,
It makes her seem golden, 
And she's beautiful, she's skinny, she can sing, she can dance,
She plays guitar, 
She's officially the coolest, most un-freshman-like freshman in the world,
She got a lead role in the play her first year, (that's amazing) 
And she doesn't let anyone's opinion of her get her down
She always looks amazing.
She just woke up? No make-up? Messy hair? Well too bad because she's still gonna look
hella gorgeous.
And further more, she's a Briardy.
Everyone wants to be a Briardy; their whole family is gorgeous beyond belief.

So, really, it must be some kind of joke that I'm friends with these people. They
just radiate light and laughter, and I'm constantly confused and nothing I do or say
matters. I'm not pretty or skinny or amazing like them, I don't have talents that I
can show off and use to build a place for myself in the world. I'm just not like

Fuck, I got kicked out of youth group for being rude, selfish.
That's such a joke.
How can I be selfish?
I hate myself.
"She must be conceited, looking into that mirror all the time."
"But have you seen the way she looks at herself?
It's not hate that fills her eyes, not hate exactly,
But something of the same origin.
Something else from Hell."
That's from something I wrote a long time ago,
I just thought of it.
I'm not the kind of person that people like.
I'm simply not.
And the only reason I am still here is because I want to help people.
But truthfully, they don't want my help.
At all.
So where's the sense in staying?
I'm just hurting everyone, not to mention myself.

Metalligod says:   27 February 2013   645078  
my god.
‹✖[[AntisocialButterfly]]✖› says:   27 February 2013   387019  

Metalligod says:   28 February 2013   297280  

its just appalling the level of self esteem you have for your self. 
Metalligod says :   28 February 2013   642096  

you got to ignore those dick heads, kill them with kindness, just dont
let them win. 

Next entry: I made a mess in category So Fucking Done
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