Thursday, 10 November 2011
02:55:45 PM (GMT)
For the first time in a while, I think everything is going to be okay.
Jesse and I had a good day yesterday, we got to talk about some things.
Going to school three hours away from her and only getting to see her on some
weekends still kind of freaks me out.
She says she won't leave me, lie to me, or cheat on me, and I believe her.
I know she isn't lying to me.
I mean as much to her as she does to me.
She won't do things that make me worry.
I know I will have my moments, I always do.
Everything seems to bother me lately.
Little things that she does, and I feel like a jerk because of it.
I shouldn't be so controlling, and I know that, and I am working on it.
I wish I could explain it.
Just little things, they sneak into my brain and slowly eat away at me.
When I realize that they bother me, the fact that they bother me ... bothers me.
It honestly feels like my brain is being ripped apart and it drives me insane.
I will work on it.
I know she is being honest with me, so I can learn to be okay with everything.
I know she won't go back to her old ways, and that she wouldn't do things that she
knows will get to me.
I love her so much for that.
I feel like she is giving up a part of her life for me, and I am grateful but I also
feel like I am too controlling.
I just need to relax.
We both need to be meditating, and learning, and helping people.
We need to stay away from drugs and alcohol as much as we can, I feel like we both
might be slipping back slowly.
We can stop it now.
I think everything is going to be okay, Jesse.
I love you. More than you could ever know.
You mean the world to me and I will never let go of you.
I will always be there to help you.
If it means I have to skip class and drive three hours just to hold you, I will in a
Don't ever forget that you aren't alone.
We are in this together.
I understand everything you are going through, whether you think so or not.
I will always be here for you.
I will never lie, or cheat, or do things to make you worry.
Just like you.
We are so similar, and we both love each other.
I think I am finally on my way to truly believing that.
I believe every word that you say.
I love you, Firefly.
I can't wait to see you today.
WE can just lay here and forget the rest of the world for a while.
And that's okay by me