Thursday, 6 October 2011
11:37:50 PM (GMT)
On a normal day, by this time at night, I'd be in my room, pretending to clean, but
really wanting to rip things up. Going through my old yearbooks, looking in my Box at
all the things I keep as a time capsule; the things only Gabby and I have seen.
Laying on the floor and staring at the ceiling, the one I've had since I was a baby,
the blue one with white puffy clouds. I'd be sitting in my closet, or on my bed. With
my Winchester to my arms, tiny droplets of blood forming at each thin little slice.
They used to occupy my arms. They made me wear long sleeves in the summer. Wrist
bands to hide them. Lie. They made me lie about how they got there. Lying hurt more
than the blade did.
And I'm so proud of myself that there won't be any more nights like that; no more
lies, for a very long time.
Thanks to Micheal, first of all, and Jesse, for showing me exactly what a human being
should be like. Both these people, Micheal (Kablammo_dude) and Jesse
(Devious1), are the two nicest, helpful, most amazing people I think I've met
online, maybe even at all. I'm glad I have you, and I hope someday I can drive to KT
and cook you breakfast, Massachusetts style. I hope someday I'll get the great honor
of meeting you two, and maybe, if things go well, your children, too(: I love you
both, mum and dad.
Thanks to Gabby, for always being there and giving me advice and sitting looking in
my Box with me. I'm so glad that in fifth grade, you sang in the cafetorium (yeahp,
we had to call it that) and provoked me to make you autograph my hand. In a way, I'm
happy Jess treated you like shit. If she didn't, you would have turned out like her
and we would have never been as close as we are now. We've had our times, and you
know when I'm talking about, but there will never be anything we can't handle
together. I love you, too, Gabby.
And to all my friends, you're the greatest kids I could ever have by my side.
And Armen, for making my life so much better. Even if we've only been going out for
I am Shay C. B., Sober from the knife on September 26, 2011.