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i don't know what to doCategory: HELP!
Sunday, 5 September 2010
03:53:32 PM (GMT)
My life has just turned a turn for the worst. During the summer I invited my friend
over to have a sleep over at my house. I have an older brother. He will be turning 23
in October. I am really paranoid and I wanted to make sure that nothing bad would
happen, so I kept a close eye on them. She stayed over twice and every night I would
wait at least an hour after they were asleep to go to sleep myself. I would even
check on them. Well somehow they ended up having sex and my friend just  turned
fourteen. I suppose she told her parents, because they called the cops. My brother is
currently in jail. I had to go in abd talk to one of the officers. They also thought
that he might have tried something with me, but that is not the case beacause we only
see eachother as siblings. Even though we aren't bllod related. Because my Gaurdian
had him living inside of the house with us, I have another CPS case. The only thing
that is keeping me where I am is probation. And the only thing keeping me on
probation is my Mom trying to send me back to the Phillippines or trying to take me
back. But it has also been declared by CPS that I can't go back with my Mother
because it would put me in a harmful situation. My ex-friends parents are still
determining if they want to press charges or not and they also beleive that it was my
fault. What have I done wrong? I tried taking precautions to prevent it from
         Two fridays ago, I was picked up from school to go to an appointment with my
Mom. For some reason my Mom is convinced that my Guardians have kidnapped me, even
though she had just signed the P.O.A that day. She is aslo threating to sue them.
*sighs* I had told my Guardian about what had happened with my friend Tyler and I.
She beleives that he had raped me. I had just had a flashback last night on the
situation. I recall telling him to stop and him putting his hand over my mouth. I
suppose I had told every body that he hadn't raped me because I was trying to protect
him and because I didn't want to beleive that somebody I trusted could dod such a
thing to me. Unfortunatlly I have made it a bad habit of blocking out such crutial
information to gaurd my heart and feelings. But now that I look back at the situation
I don't know what to think anymore. If you are reading me please message me with some
advice for I am tired of crying my self to sleep everynight. I have gotten some what
better. I have not cut myself in two weeks. So that counts as some sort of improvent,

PuddingCakes says:   5 September 2010   652053  
That's quite a mess you've got into =/
Though I don't really, or rather fully understand the whole situation
but I'll tell you this : What had happened can't be undone, so don't
dwell over it. Life's too short to dwell over sad things for a long
Whenever I feel messed up and felt like killing myself I'll just
remind myself that I'll get through all these mess somehow and I'll be
happy after that. There's a Chinese saying that goes "When the boat
reaches the harbor it'll eventually be sailing straight"
So smile okay?
I'm sorry if the whole long paragraph i just wrote didn't help >.<
deaths_angel says:   5 September 2010   341848  
lol. it did. so thank you for the advice, my dear. you had just made
my smile a little wider.
‹Death, Embrace Me With Your Sweet Bliss› says:   7 September 2010   558029  
It's good that you are nolonger cutting, but you need tell others the
truth, stop blocking out things.... it only makes life worse, and
it'll come back to bite you later on.
deaths_angel says :   11 September 2010   479164  
thank you. i'll keep that in mind.

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