Tuesday, 10 November 2009
04:48:21 PM (GMT)
are you serious?
you'd actually do this?
you'd really be selfish enough to tear it all down, and to fuck everything up? i
can't believe you. i can't believe you don't care that this is ruining everything, my
you, and him, you're everything bad about me.
you're the reason i'm always so angry.
you're the reason i've always been scared to fall in love, because i've seen what
that did to you.
you're the reason i can't trust anyone.
you're the reason i don't believe you anymore, because you hid something huge from me
for fifteen years.
you're the reason i almost lost him.
you're the reason nothing ever feels right.
you're the reason i'm not proud of what i've become.
you're the reason my family has never been complete.
you're the reason everything is fucked up.
i hope you're proud of yourselves. i really do. i hope you're proud of making my
whole life misery. i hope you're proud of what you've made me.
how would it make you feel if i told you that this summer, i was dreading coming home
to you? as much as i missed my home comforts, i would have stayed at outward bound
forever rather than come back to you. i had six glorious weeks away and it still
wasn't even close to enough. you don't realize how much i hate you. of course you
don't, because you never listen to me. i told you i don't want to be anywhere near
either of you, and that i hate you for everything, but you just acted like i wasn't
there. i don't understand how you could do that. i'm your daughter, fuck. you're
meant to listen. you're meant to care, and actually show it. you're meant to give me
advice on boys, and friends, and how to dress and how to do things right. but you
don't. i'll admit that that's because i never told you anything. but only because
i've never quite trusted you. you're meant to make my home somewhere i'm happy to
come back to. somewhere that i can always be sure will always be my safe place, but
you know what? my safe place is in a complete different country and i can only get to
it once or twice a year. that's the only place i feel at home, and happy. isn't that
fucked up? cause i think it is. i think i should be happy with what i have, but now
it's more like what i don't have. i need my home to be a happy place, don't you get
that? what the fuck ever. living with you has never been happy anyway. what really,
really angers me though? you're not just putting me through this. you're putting the
most beautiful little girl through it too. and she's five. only five. she
doesn't deserve this. she's barely starting to grow up. she needs a good example from
her parents, and she's not getting that. if you're not careful, you're going to fuck
that little girl up too, and i simply won't let you do that. hers is the face that
gives me hope through all this. she's always smiling no matter what shit has been
thrown our way that day. i admire her, because you don't know this, but you make her
so unhappy. she cries almost every night because of you. cries her fucking heart out.
you've never been there for that though. it's not natural for her to come to me when
she's upset. she's meant to go to her momma or dad. not her big sister. she's meant
to grow up thinking that mommies and daddies love each other, and that it's
unconditional. how fucking selfish are you for showing her the exact opposite?
i don't even deserve this. i know i don't. i've screwed up a lot in my life, yeah,
and i've talked to you like shit. but who hasn't to their parents? i'm fifteen, it's
what's to be expected. but i don't deserve this absolute hell you put me through
every day, and i don't deserve to call this hellhole home. i know i deserve better. i
know that at the very least, i deserve to live with people who make me happy. you
don't make me happy. you make me unhappy, and angry, and resentful. i need stability.
every fifteen year old girl does. i've had enough shit in the past few years, but
you've always added to it. always. i don't know how you sleep at night. when
you see me break down and cry solely because of you, how do you sleep at night? if i
did that to my daughter, i'd feel so ashamed. i wouldn't want to live with myself.
so congratulations on being such shitty parents. and on ruining my life, and on
breaking a five year old girl's heart, and driving your son away, and putting your
kids through hell. i bet you're real proud.
wow. i don't get where that came from. so much for not having anything to say to
Last edited: 10 November 2009