Saturday, 26 September 2009
11:35:31 PM (GMT)
My sister died on Wednesday night. She was all I had left in my life after my
parents passed a few months back but strangely I'm not sad. I know this sounds
heartless and cold but trust me; I loved my sister dearly. She was my best friend.
But I can't help but feels huge sense of relief for her and myself.
Since I came back to visit England on the 5th, I've been my sisters carer as she
had just been diagnosed with leukaemia. It was incredibly tough on both of us but a
week and a bit ago she asked the doctors, basically, to let her die. They stopped her
blood transfusion etc. only leaving her on painkillers. Weboth went to bed early
Tuesday night. About nine o'clock. At about 10, she came into my room, but a sheet of
paper on my desk and curled up in bed with me like she used too when she was little.
I think we both knew she was going very soon. She kissed me goodnight and curled up
against me asleep. I couldn't sleep. At 1:58 she opened her slightly and whispered "I
love you Ben." At about 6, I knew she was gone and fetched my grandparents. We
wrapped her up in my quilt so she still looked like she was sleeping.
Earlier today, I found the paper on my desk. This is what it said:
I know you won't find this straight away, you're memories shite but I think that's
best. I just want you to know that you made my last few weeks special.
I want you to look back on me, not in sadness, but in happiness.
My lord that sounds cheesy!
So yeah, I hate the idea of you crying over me allthe time. I need you to be happy
I would say tell my friends I love them but y'know..you were my only friend xxxx
So go live your life, never have regrets, never waste a day.
Get married, have kids. Preferably with Nicki
Become famous, change the world, get your point across. Don't let anybody stand in
When ever you race; I want you to think of me, and how shit I was
I want a memorial speedway meeting held in my honour
Tell darcy I love him. He's a special boy. Teach him to be like you. Find him a
beautiful, lovely girl to look after him.
He always deserved someone better than me.
I love you ben. I truly do.
Last edited: 26 September 2009