Monday, 13 April 2009
12:26:13 PM (GMT)
Q: What is the only thing you can break when you say it’s name?
Q: Where can everyone always find money when they look for it?
A: In the dictionary.
Q: What is the difference between here and there?
A: The letter “t”.
Q: When does a joke become a father?
A: When the catch line becomes apparent (a parent).
Q: What word, by changing the position of one letter, turns into its opposite?
A: United = Untied
Q: What word is it from which the whole may be taken and yet some will be left?
Q: What is the most difficult train to catch?
A: The 12:50, because it’s 10 to 1 if you catch it.
Q: What tongue can wag and yet never utter a word?
A: The tongue of your shoe.
Q: What’s smaller than an ant’s mouth?
A: What the ant eats.
Q: What word of five letters has only one left when two letters are removed?
A:Stone = (St)one.
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought
it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too
sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he
threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying
and they asked, “little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?” and the little girl said, “an apple came down and killed my
new kitty”. Next they passed a little boy
who was also crying. And they again asked, “little boy, little boy, why are you
crying?” and the little boy said, “a lemon came
down and killed my new puppy.” Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk
laughing her butt off. They asked, “why are you laughing so hard?” and the blonde
said, “I farted and the building behind me blew up!!”
A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings.
They dialed the number and then sang “Happy Birthday” to him.
But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed
the wrong number.
“Don’t let it bother you,” said a strange but amused voice.
“You folks need all the practice you can get.”
Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he
sees and asks, What is your IQ? to which the man answers, 241. That
is wonderful!, says Albert. We will talk about the Grand Unification
Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, What is your IQ? to
which the lady answers, 144. That is great!, responds Albert. We can
discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!
Albert goes to another person and asks, What is your IQ? to which the
man answers, 51. Albert responds, How about them, Cowboys?
A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat
and says “get in, get in!” The religous man replies, ” no I have faith in God,
he will grant me a miracle.”
Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to
get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle.
With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns
down the offer again cause “God will grant him a miracle.”
With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to
get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for
help for the faith of God. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and
says to Peter, I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down.”
St. Peter chuckles and responds, “I don’t know what you’re complaining about,
we sent you three boats and a helicopter.”