Monday, 4 July 2016
01:18:01 AM (GMT)
So, a couple of days ago, I went looking in the kitchen for something to snack on to
feed my boredom when I saw a bag of off-brand Munchies on the table. I say off-brand
Munchies because it basically contained the components of a regular bag of
Munchies--some cheesies, some pretzels and various kinds of chips--but, it was also a
cheap, Dollarama brand.
Anyway, I took one look at it and was like, naw. If I'm going to eat some goddamn
chips, it better be some brand I can recognize. Sure, it might get the job done (give
me something salty and crunchy to chew on), but for the most part, strange, dollar
store brands cannot be trusted. They're just like made-for-TV movies--most likely to
I quickly forget about this bag until a few days later when I'm talking to my dad in
the kitchen. I ask him about it (specifically, why the hell he would buy a Dollarama
brand bag of chips) and he tells me he found it downstairs and brought it up for
someone to eat. Then, he asks me to check the expiration date.
I lift it up and it's already open. Some poor bastard in my house took a bite. I turn
it over, and lo and behold, July 20th, 2015. It has been expired for nearly a year.
Well, I had to go figure out who ate this shit and tell them the good news.
Obviously, it wasn't me or my dad, so I decided to ask my mom who was already
upstairs. I go to her room and tell her about the chips, and she tells me a nice
little story in response.
Basically, in the middle of night, she got up and felt the need to have a small
snack. She saw the chips on the table, opened it up and took out a single cheesy.
She told me it was absolutely revolting. It wasn't even crunchy anymore. It was
She said that she didn't want to look in the bag out of fear what she'd see, so she
had a tall glass of water to wash it down and get rid of the taste, and simply left
it there for some poor, unsuspecting person to make the same mistake.
I laughed so fucking hard just imagining her unpleasant (and moist) discovery.
Needless to say, we threw it out.