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This diary entry is written by Jessy_Singer_482. ( View all entries )

Child's playCategory: (general)
Tuesday, 15 April 2014
08:25:51 AM (GMT)
Kicking the mouldy, old door, it swings open on its last rusty hinge. 
    “Not been here in years”, I think. Looking around, I can still see the faded,
peeling, yellow wall paper and the old paintings we did. 
    When we first arrived we were so excited about the Tweenie clock. It’s still
there, I can see the faded pictures through the mould and dust which determined what
we did that day. Those were the good old days, but after the accident Max was never
the same again and the playgroup was shut down because he couldn’t cope with it.
    I sometimes...NO... not those memories, I can’t relive them again. I still
can’t fully comprehend why I did it and only now do I feel the full weight of the
guilt. I shake my head hoping that it will clear my mind as well as the cloying
self-condemnation. Carefully, I take a step into the tired and worn building, still
shaking my head, wishing the vivid images would leave me alone. I remember everything
about my so called friends as clearly as if they were still here today.
   Bella had blue skin and lemon yellow hair; she always wore a yellow jumpsuit with
a blood red flower top underneath. Fizz loved pink. She had pale yellow skin and
reddish-brown hair that was always in tight plaits and her dress was deep pink with
bright white flowers covering it. Jake was my best friend. His skin was fluorescent
orange and his hair was lemon yellow. I loved that shiny purple top and shorts’
set. The top had big, round yellow spots all over it, and the shorts’ were a plain,
luxurious purple. I remembered looking down at myself, feeling scraggy with my drab
purple skin, black spiky hair, boring blue top and navy shorts.
* * * * * * * *
    “Milo, why are you sat on your own?” Max asks.
“Because they won’t let me use the colouring books and crayons with them and they
say I’m too old to play but I’m only six and Bella’s older than me” I tell
Max as I, unsuccessfully, hold back the heavy tears “I always see them whispering
about me when they think I’m not there but I hear them”
    “Oh, if you want, I have another pack of crayons and colouring books for you to
play with?”
    “No, it’s not the same as playing with your friends”
* * * * * * * *
That wasn’t the only time

* * * * * * * *
    “Jake!” I shout “Where are you?” my voice echoes around the garden, like
a fog horn out at sea. There is a short pause before I see him run out from behind a
nearby wall.
    “I’m over here” He reply’s as his jog slows to a stop.
“Do you want to go to the park with me and Doodles?” I ask, crossing my fingers
hoping that he will say yes, this time.
    “That sounds great, but...” His voice fades away as we hear Bella shriek his
name and as if by magic the loud-mouthed tyrant appears with her pesky pink sidekick,
both wearing expressions that could make a royal guard run away with his tail between
his legs. I could tell they had heard me ask Jake to the park because they were
looking down at Jake as if to say “You know what to tell him” 
   “I can’t come with you... because I’m playing family with Bella and Fizz”
Jakes explains. I know he wants to come with me, but I also know that Fizz and Bella
aren’t going to let him.
    “Well could I join your game instead?” I suggested to him, and his face
lights up, only to drop again when the masters open their malicious mouths and let
out a cruel snigger.
    “No Milo! YOU can’t play!” they snarl in unison, as they point at me. “No
big boys allowed”
    “Jakes a big boy too” my voice flitters as the words leave my lips
    “Jakes only eight, you’re nine. That’s almost double figures. So go away
and leave us alone”
* * * * * * * *
I remember going to the park and just crying into Doodles’ florescent orange and
banana yellow, fur, attempting to staunch the flow of bitter pain.
* * * * * * * *
“GUYS! TEA’S READY!” Max shouts out of the open window that looks onto the
garden. “It’s beans on toast!”
    Good Ol’ Jolly Max, busying himself around the table serving out his special
beans on toast. I stood there, just watching him, and thought that I’ve never
really looked at him properly because in that moment he looked like an old man, frail
and weak.
   “FOOD!” he shouts again, but this time his voice sounds more exhausted.
   “I’m here Max” I say as I move from where I had been spying on him. 
“Oh” His voice returned to normal “Where are the others?” he asks, with a
small but cheerful smile.
   “Still in their tree house; they still won’t let me in; they say it’s
because I’m older and that I’d break it, but I wouldn’t, I’m only ten. I hate
them all; they always do this to me. I hope they stay up there forever. I hope they
die up there” I tell Max.
   “Oh don’t say that. You wait here and I’ll go get them” He tells me as he
walks out the back door towards the huge oak tree. 
“Ok” I sniffle and whisper “and I’m sorry Max”
* * * * * * * *
    In my mind I run at my other self, trying to rewrite history but it’s
impossible to change the future.
* * * * * * * *
 “Found them” Max re-enters with them in tow. Bella looked at me with a face like
cracked stone, Fizz; her smile so evil it could scare a criminal for life and Jake,
just a pawn in the game Bella and Fizz are playing. 

* * * * * * * *
    I know what happens next and I can’t bear to remember it, but it forces its way
through the barriers and into my thought processes as it has done so many times. So I
sit on the floor, pull my knees to my chest and bury my head in my arms. I can still
remember the echoes of their heads hitting their plates. Thud. Thud. Thud. 
    I can’t sit here anymore, so I open my eyes and see the faded, glow of green
stars that cover the ceiling above my head, telling me that the sun was setting and
that darkness would soon consume me. As I take one last look around at the peeling
yellow wallpaper, I notice Doodles shabby dog bed is still here but has turned a
horrible shade of red, as if it has been rolled in mud but never washed, covered with
little holes where moths have taken a quick nibble. Reaching up to the table I feel
the thick, grey dust that covers it, at least five centimetres in depth, which clings
to my skins like a leech.
   Rising from the floor, I pat my hands on my trousers and walk towards the door. As
I open it, I decide that I can trust this room with my deepest secret. 
   So I whisper “My names Milo and I poisoned Bella, Fizz and Jake”
I walk outside. I don’t look back.

Abibliophobia says:   15 April 2014   130306  
Hahaha, wow this is great. :')
Jessy_Singer_482 says:   15 April 2014   244193  
really ?
Abibliophobia says:   15 April 2014   958074  
It's very interesting. I love how you've taken innocent characters and
turned their lives upside down.  
Jessy_Singer_482 says:   15 April 2014   332926  
@Abibliophobia thanks I really enjoyed writing it 
Phantom says:   15 April 2014   358720  
ok so good idea overall. it needs a little bit more polishing and
tightening up. for example instead of saying the building is "old and
worn" show how it is with casual description but watch the adjectives
dont go overboard. less is more.

as a more major critque i think the impact would be more effective
without the initial foreshadowing because the saying "you know what
you had done" early in the story undercuts the memory or ghost this part of a larger story or this is standing alone as a
short short?

i think it would be better if you wrote the playground scene vividly
so that the readers thinks its real..and then reveal its a memory or
ghost scene and the poisoning at the end without any initial
forseshadowing..but that only holds if this is the beginning of a
larger story or standing alone. if this is a bit from the middle than
i may think differently..obviously u left a lot unexplained which i
presume is addressed later in more of the story.

the characters could use a lil more defining not just descriptions but
again maybe that comes later?

overall a nice draft tho Jess good job.
Jessy_Singer_482 says:   15 April 2014   347906  
thanks the only reason its not as descriptive as id like is because
it was written for a graded piece of work which had a 2000 word limit
however the original was a lot more descriptive than this piece is but
thank you for all the feedback
monkeyroar says:   15 April 2014   669263  
Nice story.
Jessy_Singer_482 says:   15 April 2014   268770  
Thank you  I appreciate you reading it
‹CNNInternationaal› says:   15 April 2014   991111  
I like it, the story is very unique, can you do me a favor and review
mine, when I post it in a diary entry of mine?It's not a complete
chapter, but for all I've written so far, which actually isn't a lot,
I'm curious to hear your feedback on it.
Jessy_Singer_482 says:   15 April 2014   696233  
Yeah sure I'd love too x
‹CNNInternationaal› says :   15 April 2014   404929  
It's posted, look for ''Suspect Reality Complex Chapter 1"

I decided to make what I've written so far, an entire chapter after


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