Thursday, 15 September 2011
09:14:00 AM (GMT)
So, every night for at least the past month, I haven't been able to go to sleep
until I know she is asleep.
I tell her goodnight, send a kiss through the phone and wait until her deep breathing
comforts me, then I hang up.
It's honestly the only way I can sleep.
*cue studio audience* "Awwwww"
I know, I know, but it honestly means a lot to me.
Last night was different.
After I hung up, she called me back an hour or so later.
I didn't think much of it, I was half asleep, but as I sat there, she fell asleep,
and I started to doze off.
I woke up to a noise that terrified me.
I have never been so scared in my life.
She was frightened, scared, crying, fighting for her life, it seemed.
I called out for her, no answer.
I repeated, nothing.
Her breathing quickened, her voice got louder, more frantic.
I yelled, repeatedly, the fear in my voice just as apparent as hers.
I get up out of bed, ready to get in my car and drive, and I scream her name one last
She wakes up.
She was having a nightmare.
I already knew what is was about.
It was about him.
That piece of shit.
He doesn't even deserve to be referred to in the context of him being a human.
"It" doesn't deserve even common dignity or decency.
This asshole took advantage of her.
He abused her.
He attacked her.
He hit her.
Even more than three years later, the scars remain.
In her thoughts, her lack of trust, and most of all, the nightmares that prevent
sleep from being the peaceful relaxing time it should be.
She won't tell me who it is, and probably for good reason.
I would bury this mother fucker alive, but not before he felt the pain he caused
Maybe I will never know who it was, maybe I will.
But if I do, I will be the last person he wants to see, and the last person he will
I will choke the fucking life out of him...
I need to move on, before I go into another psychotic rant.
The last time I did so, someone called me a psychopath, so I turned the diary
Last night scared the crap out of me, because she always seems so strong.
She doesn't show her fear, she doesn't let anyone know her true feelings, except me.
And even I have never heard the fear in her voice.
I couldn't sleep.
I stayed with her all night, in spirit.
I didn't hang up the phone until close to six this morning.
I couldn't sleep.
I would doze off, then be woken up in fear, for her.
The next few nights will be difficult, but I will stay with her as long as it takes.
She will never have to be alone again, I will make sure of that.
I will protect her, and I would hate to see someone try to hurt her or take advantage
of her again.
It will be the last thing they ever do.
Last night, I heard her fear, and it is something I hope I never have to hear again.