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This diary entry is written by Burning_desire. ( View all entries )
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I'M Responsible!Category: sorrow // pain
Friday, 21 May 2010
06:13:51 PM (GMT)
What do you do when you are laying in bed at night and your phone buzzes with a text
message? you answer it, of course you think it's a friend who might not be sleeping,
or a pointless forward. But what if you answer it and it's a suicide note from your
friend.... and she point blank tells you "... you don't fucking care... so i'm done
and this is goodbye!!!" 

well i felt worry, fear, sorrow, pain all at once. 
But whats really fucking messed up of me is that i didn't reply i jumped up ran to
bathroom, grabbed a razor and cut! cut my legs to the point where you didn't even
know they were my legs. 
i cried, cried, cried, and cried some more!

every time i think about it i feel like " i could've stopped it!"
'why didn't you do something?" "you knew she was depressed why didn't you help"
I cannot help to think that i could've stopped her. i could've have beat the shit out
of everyone who gave her hell. 
something. anything. just something to let her know that i was there for her. but
instead i was the selfish bitch that i am. i cut to fix pain that i felt when i could
have been saving 
my friends life. now i just feel like " what the hell is it worth anymore?" " if this
happens again i'll just fuck up again!"

then there's that little voice inside of me that just screams " CHEY YOU FUCKING
i don't know anymore .... no i don't care anymore !!!

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