Friday, 20 July 2007
06:19:26 PM (GMT)
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers
with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear
me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every
question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it
conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to
the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces,
throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask
for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing
8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the
person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue
with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on
how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck
this!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that
whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam,
you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask
and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could
possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a
written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it
often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your
mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the
instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester
long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her
in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an
idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the
instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or
another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for
the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.