Saturday, 29 December 2012
01:05:02 AM (GMT)
Since none of you know who I really am. I'm gonna pour my heart out.
Dude, I just don't really know where I am in life at this point. All I know is that I
want to be okay. I wake up every morning and just grit my teeth and muddle through.
This eating disorder is kicking my fucking ass. I wish it would just disappear...or I
would. I don't remember the last time I felt okay with myself when I looked in the
mirror. I'm not sure I ever have. I'm down eight pounds on the upside... Who I am
behind this disease is what I really need to find.
Also, on the upside I've been sober for over a month. I haven't been sober this long
in two half years. It's terrifying. Especially because I can't hide behind a haze
anymore and I have to stare bulimia in the face every morning. Sometimes I think
"Fuck, I wish I was high." and then I remember I don't want to be a fucking loser.
But it always comes back to feeling that way. A loser & a fat one at that.
And to top it all off...I miss Kaci. So fucking much. It's ridiculous. She was my
best friend and my girlfriend and I lost both all at once. She actually apologized to
me yesterday, and then I remember why I loved her. For her sake I hope she can be who
I know she wants to be. I love her.
Have you ever felt just like a giant dissapointment? I do.
Hello, I'm Hannah, the walking disaster. Buckle up, because I have no idea where the
fuck we're going.
Sometimes, I wish I could just run away so I wouldn't have to look my fucking parents
in the face and know that they would give anything for me to be someone else. I am
the crazy family member everyone wishes they didn't have. I am no one. Fuck, I may
never be anyone at this rate. I wish I was someone else. Every day.
Sorry about the bitching...