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This diary entry is written by Kablammo_Dude. ( View all entries )
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Falling hard.Category: (general)
Monday, 25 July 2011
08:46:00 PM (GMT)
I don't know when I realized how far in over my head I was, but it was sort of
surreal. I've always been the romantic type, usually the hopeless variety, but any
hopes I had ever had usually burned out in the first few days. Not with her, she was
different. She took my heart in the palm of her hand, and hid it somewhere deep
inside. I could search for years, but I doubt I will ever see it returned. I'm not
sure I even want that. 
She has no interest in a relationship, and given her history, I don't blame her for
even a second. Usually that would be more than enough to warrant hiding away from the
world, to cut off all contact, to avoid complications, but not with her. She texts
me. She seems genuinely interested in me and concerned about my well-being. She calls
me sunshine. 
There hasn't been a single moment since I've met her, where I haven't thought about
her. I wonder how she is, what she is doing. I want to know every minute detail about
her and her life. I'm beginning to scare myself. 
At times, I am filled with a pleasant happiness that I have never felt. At others, I
am on the verge of a panic attack, wondering if she has yet realized how much she has
infiltrated my soul. Regardless of where my mind seems to wander, there is one thing
that never leaves. Compassion.
I want her to be happy, and I mean truly happy, not that "I'm ok" crap she never
ceases to throw at me. I want to take all of her pain, all of her bad memories, all
of the voices, and trap them deep inside me. I would gladly take them all for myself,
just to give her a life of peace that she truly deserves. There is no way that she
will ever understand that, but I couldn't be more sincere when I say it.
I know that these are all just dreams, a fool's hope perhaps, but I will never be
able to forget her. She will forever hold a place in me, and though I feel like my
heart's desire greatly exceeds her friendly intentions, I cannot give up hope. I will
I couldn't begin to express how I realy feel, but I know that no matter what, I will
be there for her. Even if she just wants to be my friend, she will be the greatest I
have ever known. If she needs anything at all, I will give it to her. If she just
wants to talk, my ears will be there. A girl like her takes patience, and deserves
it, but I can't hold myself together for long enough to just be the friendly face she
needs. Maybe time will change things. 
I feel myself falling harder and harder everyday, but I don't think getting up sounds
like a plausible, or enjoyable option. 
She is amazing.

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