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This diary entry is written by ‹freckleshoulders›. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: onehundredfiftynine, in category (general)

onehundredsixty,Category: (general)
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
11:31:10 PM (GMT)
you see me laughing, laughing so hard. but really i'm quite broken. i know you don't think it's sad, but to my great big over-sensitive heart, it's rather tragic. you really meant a lot to me. i thought you were so great, you gave me a chance. but apparently, i couldn't prove i was worth your time in the end. i just needed a little more time, i just needed more time. but i guess it was time that you didn't have. you had to move on, you had to let me go, you had to leave me without ever telling me you loved me, of course you did, it was the only thing to do, wasn't it? i couldn't keep holding you back from all the great girls you had to meet. all the great things you had to do. you said it wasn't making you happy. but strangely, i was very content. content with holding your hand, resting my head against yours, your sweet goodnights and goodmornings, your "beautiful" and your "mi chica bonita". i used to be your "pretty girl". i am never to feel these things again. not from you. you withdrew your dizzying warmth i had finally become familiar with, the warmth that felt like the middle of july. but suddenly i was reacquainted with the bitter cold of january in wyoming. i sure wish i could go numb. and it was so abrupt. i still haven't fully accepted that it has come to a closing. and i don't want to be friends. i'll always have the feeling that i wasn't sufficient for you. not for anyone. every time i begin to think that maybe, just maybe, i'm worth more than i think, my worth is stolen away. i'm still asking angrily, "what happened? what happened? what happened? where did i go wrong? what happened?" when all i needed to keep you was a little more time. i just needed more time. but it's okay, i'm no stranger to rejection. i won't hold on to you, i won't try to get you back. truth is, i don't want you back. i just wish you hadn't left at all. but i'll be okay, i'm a trooper, i could say i've been through worse. i hope you realize it was a mistake to go, but that you still find your happiness. be free.
Last edited: 11 January 2011

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