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My thoughts the past few days.Category: I don't know what I am doing
Thursday, 3 January 2013
07:01:36 AM (GMT)
Well, school has started up again. I'm just thinking about how much I hate school.
I understand that it is going to help me later in life and stuff, and I love to see
my friends all the time, but getting up so early is really killing me.
It doesn't help that I have almost zero motivation and don't do my homework until
almost 11 pm, or during the period before the class it is due, but I only have one B,
the rest being A's, so I don't see the problem.

What I'm worried about is sleeping.
Now I'm not an insomniac; I sleep pretty much every night.
But I dream vividly. Sometimes I have a hard time telling dream from reality because
my dreams are so lucid.
It's clear when I wake up, but during the dream it all feels real. 
Sometimes I can tell because things get really weird and unnatural, but when I am
awoken from normal and lovely dreams, it hurts.
I feel like I am being torn from a world I love, that I can never go back to.

It reminds me of this manga Dream Saga that I read when I was younger.
I read it now and laugh because while the plot is semi-original and the artwork is
okay, the story itself is just lame. At least the execution.
But this girl alternates from two worlds, one while she is awake and one while she
And I know that it's just a bunch of bullshit and stuff, but I wonder if I am leaving
pieces of me behind.

I had a dream the other night that there was this boy. His hair was sandy blonde, his
eyes a bright blue, lovely to look at.
I don't remember specifics but I remember feeling loved. I think we were on a beach,
because of the noises in the background and how there was sand, but I don't remember
We walked and talked and I felt... at peace, I guess. For the first time in a while.

And then I woke up.

And I was torn.
I tried to go right back to sleep to see if I could revisit it, but I couldn't even
remember anything but this boy and the beach and the peace.
I heard somewhere that the people you see in your dreams are people you've met
Honestly, I think that's also bullshit. Like, how do scientists even know that's
But if it is true, have I met him before?
Can I meet him again?
I want to feel that peace again, escape from the stress and the sadness of real

Why do we dream such beautiful things, only to be slapped in the face by reality?

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