Tuesday, 17 July 2012
12:50:58 PM (GMT)
I know that I'm meant to be sleeping now... I know that it's three in the morning,
and I know that I have work, and that I'll have to get up in three hours anyway, but
I can't stop thinking. I can't switch my mind off and just sleep. I can't stop
thinking about him. And I know precisely how clicheed that is. And he's back now,
so, in theory I should have stopped worrying, because now I know that he's safe, and
I've got Val, so my mind should be made up. But, the thing is... I missed him.
I missed him laughing at me every time I fell over, and I missed him helping me up.
When I'd cut myself, and he'd put a plaster on. Kiss my hand and tell me it was
fixed. Now he's back, he's so secretive. It's like we weren't ever friends.
I'm certain that I love Val, but before he left, I loved Salem. And can that ever
If I told anyone, I don't think they'd believe how utterly confused I am. Because I
have Val. And he's, well... perfect. I'm positive that I can't deserve him. And
Salem. Well, I can't deserve him, either...
He means more than anyone has ever meant to me before, except Father, of course. But
we were best friends, and I honestly can't think of a word that describes us.
I hate these words, but it's not fair.
I know that it's me being selfish, but I'm in love with Val, and he's probably one of
the best people I've ever met, and yet, I can't seem to forget about Salem, and
everything we had... I know that I should just be happy for what I have, but I can't
help but wondering whether Salem misses me as much as I do him, and when I think
about it I find an answer. And I wish I hadn't.
Well, I'm writing it in this diary, because I haven't touched it in years. And I
know that no one will ever see it, and I pray to whatever I believe in that I can
hide this far better than I think I can.