Friday, 1 June 2012
09:23:41 PM (GMT)
Why Twilight sucks big time!
Firstly, the idea for Twilight was gotten from a dream. When you have a dream, it is
the brain looking through all your memories. When you awake, the brain tries to make
sense of it to you by making a story. This is why people have outlandish dreams.
Sparkly vampires could only be dreamed up in this way.
“You’re like my own personal brand of heroin.” The books are badly written.
Just because there is a fancy adjective every second word, Meyers seems to think it
is well written. It is written from Bella’s view. Edward Cullen comes out with
ridiculous speeches. No-one talks like that. The surnames ‘Black’ and
‘Clearwater’ were stolen from JK Rowling.
Jacob Black is not a werewolf. He transforms at will. He is merely an animagus.
Meyers stole the name ‘Black’ because in Harry Potter Sirius Black transforms
into a dog. Edward Cullen sparkles when he is in the sun. Vampires do not sparkle.
They melt when they are in the sun. Vampires cannot marry. Yet Bella and Edward get
married. Edward is a ‘vegetarian’ vampire. This is impossible. Vampires cannot
get women pregnant because there is nothing alive in vampires. They bite people to
reproduce. Sperm is needed to make a baby, yet Bella gets pregnant. Jacob has
imprinted on her baby. When the baby is two, it will look 17. Jacob will sleep with
it when it is two. Furthermore, Edward Cullen is 104, claiming to be 17.
Twilight actors act woodenly. There are no facial expressions from Kristen Stewart.
Twilight ruined Robert Pattinson’s career. He was respected as an actor when he
played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, but now he is only
respected by Twilight fans.
“Harry Potter is about confronting fears, and doing what is right in the face of
adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.” – Stephen
“If I wasn’t in Twilight, I would mindlessly hate it.” – Robert Pattinson
Bella Swan is a bad role model. When her vampire crush left her, she went numb for
months, curled up in the foetal position, then tried to jump off a cliff. Young,
impressionable minds read Twilight and think they can’t be anything without a man.
Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley from JK Rowling’s Harry Potter were both good
role models. When Ginny’s love left her, she restarted the DA and tried to defy
Snape’s new regime. Hermione Granger taught us not to care what people think of us,
to be brave, and that we can be anything.
“Vampires suck” was a parody movie of Twilight. It mocked every aspect of
Meyer’s story. Everything said was completely true and was done in a humorous