Friday, 7 October 2011
07:38:12 PM (GMT)
I hate these days.
Nothing that I used to love interests me anymore.
Even music seems a little bit hollow.
I don't want to play games.
I don't want to read.
I don't want to watch tv.
I don't want to draw.
I don't want to fucking lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling.
I don't want to be outside.
I don't want to drive around and waste gas.
I don't want to eat food.
I don't want to be around my friends.
I don't want to write this diary, but it is better than nothing.
There are a few things that I want to do, and I can't.
I want to see her, first and foremost.
Everything would automatically be perfect again.
That can't happen today.
I want to drink.
After a few shots, I can actually find interest in maybe a movie, or game, or
She doesn't want me to drink, so I won't.
I want to smoke pot.
That would make anything interesting again, and maybe I would eat today.
I don't have any or know anyone that does, and I don't like buying it.
I would like to take some pills.
For the same reasons as above.
Or maybe just some nyquil so I can sleep until things are better.
I can't do any of that.
I don't have any, and I don't want to disappoint Jesse.
I don't know anymore.
I just wish I didn't have to be like this.
I don't seem to be able to change it when I am alone.
It's always like this.
It might always be.
I guess I'll just lay here in my bed, and stare at the ceiling.
I'll just be numb for a while, a shell of a person.
Maybe things will get better.
They usually do.