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This diary entry is written by ‹xsilentxtearsxfallx›. ( View all entries )
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Challenging The Norm 3Category: Stories
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
07:36:24 PM (GMT)
I'll have to admit. I'm kind of nervous meeting someone I don't know. What would
they want to do with me? Why talk to me now? All too soon I reach Wal-mart. Great. I
stand in front of the building against the wall making it look like I'm waiting for
someone. Well, actually I am but who has to know that?

I feel someone looking at me. I start to glance around then I see five people in a
group looking at me, heading straight towards me. I'm assuming they're the ones that
wanted to meet me. So I stand up straight as they get closer. They're wearing the
usual preppy clothes like everyone else in the school.

"Hey. I'm Rachel, this is Ashlee, Alex, Dylan, and Ayden."

I look them over. Rachel was only a few inches taller than me, green-eyed with blond
hair that reached the middle of her back. Ashlee also was an inch or so taller,
green-eyed with blond hair that reached her shoulders. Alex looked to be about 5'11"
with long, black hair and dark brown eyes. Dylan was around 6' with short, dark brown
hair and green eyes. And Aiden was about the same height as Dylan with shoulder
length, dark brown hair and blue eyes.

I nod at them and say shortly, "Melissa."

"I guess you're wondering why we're meeting up with you. We haven't exactly shown any
interest in you, but we were thinking one day, "Hey, why not talk to this girl and
see what she's about, you know." Rachel said.

I just raise an eyebrow.

"I told you she wouldn't talk to us. This was pointless and a waste of time." One of
the guys, Dylan I think, said.

"You haven't given me a reason to talk," I snapped back at him. "Why are you five
really here?"

"Okay, okay. We were just wondering if you could help us out with something." Ashlee

"And what exactly do you need help with? And why do you think I would help

"We were just hoping you could help us, you know, change." She replied.

"But why would I help you?"

"Because you want to be a nice person and help a few people out." Alex remarked

I raise an eyebrow once more. "Right.." Giving them the benefit of the doubt, I ask
them, "What exactly do you want to change?"

"Our look." Rachel said.

"Your looks? What makes you think I'm the person to help with that?"

"You're the only person we know that dresses the way you do. Me and Rachel's hair is
not naturally blond, it's actually a brown."

"We changed our hair to fit in with the girls at school, but it's all fake. That's
not who we really are." Said Ashlee.

"We didn't change our hair color but we did try to change our ways to fit in." Dylan
put in.

"We changed who we were for fear of not being accepted." Alex said.

I looked our to Ayden. He haven't said a word since they got here.

"And do you have anything to add?" I asked him.

He didn't say a think. All he did was look at me. I looked to the others for an

"Ayden doesn't really speak to people he doesn't know." Dylan answered.

"Actually, I didn't have anything else to add." Ayden said. The others looked at him
shocked, looked at me and then back at him again.

"That has got to be the first." One of them remarked. "He never.."

"Most of the people I don't know are not worth talking to. But Melissa, she's

"Well, are you going to help us or not?" Ashlee asked, exasperated.

"Yeah, sure. Why not. But it can't be today, I have things to do." I replied. "So how
about we meet somewhere else."

"How about my place tomorrow after school?" Rachel asked. The others voiced their

I shrugged and said, "Okay. I don't know where you live though."

"You drive right? You can follow us after school." Ashlee said.

So we all agreed to meet tomorrow.

(Thinking about changing the POV..)

‹✬Kaybell❣› says:   3 November 2010   164143  
Are you writing this in present or past tense? You have to pick one
and always write in that tense, usually it's the verbs and adverbs.
Again, sorry. D:
‹✬Kaybell❣› says:   3 November 2010   715795  
Oh and you never state how tall Melissa is, so I have no clue how
tall are the two girls.
‹xsilentxtearsxfallx› says:   3 November 2010   127129  
I've realized that I didn't state that. I'll add it later. I already
have her height written in my notes. 
‹✬Kaybell❣› says:   3 November 2010   595413  
takemethere_x says:   3 November 2010   221925  
Hm, this is an interesting idea for a story.
I like it, good job.
Can't wait to read more. <3
‹xsilentxtearsxfallx› says:   3 November 2010   719768  
primwhitewolf says:   3 November 2010   355692  
I thought it was great, but I did notice two problems.    You said
that Ayden didn't says a "think" it should have been "thing"  and you
should have used "Hadn't"  instead of "Haven't".     Otherwise it was
‹xsilentxtearsxfallx› says:   3 November 2010   247556  
I've noticed more than a few problems. I'm planning on rewriting this
part anyway. And haven't is right. I have to work on some tense
issues. Didn't really notice before. The other story I have is much
primwhitewolf says:   4 November 2010   848542  
How is haven't right?   Isn't haven't the past tense of hadn't
‹xsilentxtearsxfallx› says:   4 November 2010   493893  
That's why I need to rewrite it. I'm writing in it present tense. Or
at least trying to. 
primwhitewolf says:   5 November 2010   566077  
And I didn't see anything else wrong with part 3 except for the 2
things I mentioned.   What did I miss?
‹xsilentxtearsxfallx› says:   5 November 2010   916013  
A lot of tense issues. Mostly in the dialogue. 
primwhitewolf says:   5 November 2010   226949  
How did I miss that?
‹xsilentxtearsxfallx› says:   5 November 2010   191429  
I don't know. 
‹Canadian Wolf› says:   14 November 2010   201598  
I love this story.   Can't wait for part 4.
‹xsilentxtearsxfallx› says :   14 November 2010   151984  
Thanks. I'll get something up sooner or later. Laptop messed up. 


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