Monday, 22 February 2010
05:03:57 PM (GMT)
So pretty much, I just figured something out about my mind.
I kinda love when that happens, it's interesting.
I'm really forgiving most of the time. Too much, I think.
If that's possible.
A lot of people have done stupid things that ended up hurting me somehow, and I
forgive them. I just take it and move on. There's been only one situation I can
remember when I didn't. You guys probably know what it is.
Two of my friends did something extremely stupid last week, resulting in one of them
being grounded for the rest of the school year and being pulled from the play he was
in. And they caused a lot of stress for me, which is why I've been really confused
and fhdjsakfhd this week. And I'm okay with that. I'm forgiving them, because I'm
afraid to lose them. I don't want to have people mad at me, especially people who
know me. The idea of people who know me, who know things about me, being mad at me is
scary. Plus I'm just really bad at handling loss and moving on. The other friend is
someone I've known since fifth grade, and honestly she's a little bit different and
I'm not sure if that's a good thing. She's adopted and has some personal problems,
and I don't really mind. I'm not sure if this is a good way to be, but having issues
like that won't stop me from letting myself get close to you. It usually ends badly
for me, but I can't base things off of background or whatever when I talk to people.
If I don't like your personality that's different, but if you do stupid things or
have problems I really don't care. I guess the way I see it, people all do stupid
things so I have to just get used to it. I hate when people end friendships over one
thing that happened, which is why I never do. But sometimes I don't let things bother
me as much as they probably should. This thing that happened... if I was smart I
would probably try to avoid the two of them. But I'm not. I've been talking to them
both since last night, trying to make sense of it and make them both feel better. I
won't stop talking to them or hate them, even though they're telling me themselves
that I should. But I can't. I think I am actually afraid to. I've only ever
completely stopped talking to someone (totally my own decision, because of something
they did) once. And also since that happened I have a rediculously hard time trusting
people. I always think they're doing things behind my back or trying to hide things
from me. Which in this case I guess was right but that's not the point.
ANYWAY (again again), I'm not sure if this is a good way to be or not. I'm not going
to change it, I just want to know what you guys think.
Last edited: 22 February 2010