Saturday, 5 December 2009
01:42:16 AM (GMT)
Saving Abel Ch.1
His hands ran down my back and his lips were smashed upon mine. His body consumed
me, engulfing me in passion. Moans of pleasure escaped from between my lips and
bounced off the walls echoing throughout the house.
The sun peaked over the hills shining its bright rays across my face. The
light burned my eyes so I turned away trying to hold onto a few more moments of
sleep. I reached out to wrap my arms around Cain to find an empty space. Swiftly I
sat up looking for my angel, my lover, Cain. I threw on my boxers and ran down
stairs. Jessica glared at me from the kitchen and went back to painting her nails. My
breaths shortened, my chest constricted and tears came to my eyes. I swallowed hard
trying to remove the lump from my throat but it only grew larger. Anger took me over.
I couldn't think, couldn't control myself, I couldn't breathe. My parents glanced in
my direction as I darted back up the stairs.
Not again, not this time. I wasn't about to be left again. I finally found someone
who I could lose myself to, to forget about him. Now he carves a wound into my heart
just as Aiden had. I gave myself to them, devoted my life to make them happy, to
please them. I remembered how they use to kiss me, reward me and how everything felt
so perfect; however I was not broken into thousands of pieces. What had I done wrong?
What was wrong with me? These thoughts raced through my head as I opened my hand
carved wooden box. There sat my razor reflecting the sun's happy arms trying to
comfort me, and that's what this was for. To comfort. I placed the edge of the blade
and dug into my skin. The blood flowed quickly but it couldn't keep with my tears. My
heart pounded pushing the blood out faster with every beat and though it hurt it was
nothing compared to the pain inside me.
Clenched tightly in my hand, the razor cut deep making me bleed
uncontrollably. I held my wrist close to my heart and closed my eyes waiting for the
devil to take me where I belong. The second I began to daze off into my everlasting
slumber I heard feet slamming up the stairs. As the black surrounded my entire being
I was pulled back. My eyes flung open to see my mother’s angry face staring at me
and her hand grasped around my wrist. Pain shot from within me to every inch of my
body. Her other hand came across my face and her voiced boomed over me. I gasped in
as I saw my mother cry and pull me close. Words flew out of her mouth and smeared
into a quite murmur of worries. Tears began to swell in my eyes once more. I spread
pain to everyone, I was selfish and did everything wrong. This was not the first time
I tried to kill myself, and this was not the first time my mother held me close and
cried, but I knew I wanted it to be the last. We know otherwise though. She dressed
my cuts and tried to comfort me by letting me know I always had her. I loved my
mother but she couldn’t make me feel whole like a man would as he entered my body.
The love she gave could never compare to that so called love. I promised her I would
be fine and never do it again and she left.
I lay back on my bed staring at the bandage on my left wrist. Jessica walked into my
room but I took no notice of her as she rambled on.
"Abel you piece of shit. you ain't good enough to keep a single boyfriend you get,
so you go and hurt mum. That's all you have ever done; bring pain to this family.
First by telling mum and dad that you are gay, now you can't pass down the family
name...." The lump in my throat began to form as her words cut deeper than any knife
had, “Then you go and start cutting yourself all because you’re a piece of crap!
And you can’t forget about David!” How dare she bring David into this? I turned
to face her and saw her red hair shape her perfect face, her full lips spurting off
cruel words, I hated her. I began to raise my hand to slap her and she began to cut
into me again.
"What are you going to do, hit me like him? Do you want to have the guilt of me upon
your shoulders too?" Clenched into a fist I laid my hand down to look at her once
more. I mumbled for her to leave and she smirked at me pleased with her work and
left. I got up and went to the bathroom down the hall and looked at myself in the
mirror. My black hair was sticking in every direction, my eyes swollen and red. I
looked the way I felt, horrible. I pulled out my cover-up and got to work. I hid my
blemishes along with the redness of my eyes, outlined them in heavy black circles and
combed my bangs to the side. Now I was ready for the world, for the discrimination,
hate and of course pain.
I stepped out of my car moments after Jessica and I watched her strut up to her
friends. I inhaled and began to walk up the massive staircase. I could feel the cold
stares pierce my skin and bore into my veins, but now I was use to their laughing,
rude comments and hatred towards me all because I was different. They would taunt me
just because I wear eyeliner, skinny jeans, because I refuse to buy Aeropostale,
Abercrombie, or American Eagle brands, all because I wasn’t a clone like every
single one of them. Swiftly I went to the courtyard to be frozen at the sight of
Cain. My heart stopped beating when he turned and looked at me his burning brown eyes
slicing through my flesh. I could see the hate for me in his eyes, I could see that I
was a piece of garbage he had thrown away and wanted nothing more to do with. Tears
swelled in my eyes but I held them back I didn’t want to be seen crying. I pushed
myself forward to where Sam, Nathan and Cain sat.
Sam grinned that cheeky little smile of his as he searched my face. He was one of my
closest friends ever since the 8th grade and he knows what I had been through. I
remember as he sat in the boys’ bathroom with me as I cried for the longest of
times. He could caress my hair and whisper to me telling me they were stupid that he
would be there for me to matter what, and he was. He would even do that now if I let
him, recently though I have been trying to stay away from things that could possibly
hurt me in the future. Plus it would be awkward for a 5 foot boy to cradle one a
complete foot taller. I leaned up against the bench were Sam sat watching Nathan
describe some video he had see to Cain. I was rather bored of being here, but Sam
likes my company and I needed to calm down. I closed my eyes and listened to my
surroundings blurring all the noise from school out of my head.
Right as I started to fall asleep Nathan jabbed me in the ribs and
pointed to the lockers. My sister was walking with her boyfriend. He was the jock of
the school, with his choppy blonde hair that was a little past his ears, and bright
green eyes. An all American is what most people would describe him as. Scored perfect
marks on every test he takes, quarterback of the year for my school, and can’t
forget his charismatic smile and the charm with the ladies. He sickened me to the
core every time I saw him my stomach began to hurt and I felt like puking. Needless
to say he was dating my low life of a sister which I just can’t stop hating, no
matter what. As much as I hate him, I do have to admit, he was pretty hot, nowhere
near my type though. Slowly the two treaded with a line of their followers close
behind, I began to gag at the sight, thankfully the bell rang just in time for me
escape before my eyes nearly melted out of my skull.
The day moved slowly, every second seemed like minutes, every minute and
hour; I loathed being here especially when I had a day like I did. I was more than
happy as a pulled up in front of the colossus home that sat deep behind brick walls,
veiled within the trees. Jessica swiftly got out of the car and darted her way into
the house. She had some big date tonight with her boyfriend that she couldn’t stop
talking about during the entire drive home. That is one more thing I hate about her
she just doesn’t know when to shut up. Her lips would flap together faster than a
humming bird’s wings, mumbling nearly everything she said. The only time I could
make out what she was saying is when she would wound me with her little remarks that
tunneled deep into my heart. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as her words
from this morning began to resurface. I shook it off the best I could, I wasn’t
about to have another “moment”. I sulked into the house dropping my bag viciously
to the floor. My sister’s voice beamed through the house, yelling at my mom trying
to find where her best skirt was at. I needed to get away.
Sweat tumbled down off my body as my hair hugged tightly to my face. I
concentrated on my breathing, two quick breaths in through my nose, one long breath
out from my mouth. In, in, out. I chanted this in my head as my feet pulled me
through the thick, green foliage that grew behind my house. I glanced down at my
watch noticing that the large hand sat directly on the twelve and the other on the
five. I already ran 2 hours straight, my blood pumped, heart raced, I grew tired but
I did not want to stop. That adrenaline rush that I loved so much coursed threw me I
felt invincible. Slowly I began to stop as my house became in view again. I stepped
onto the concrete kicking off my shoes while I pulled the sliding glass door open. I
was tired but I felt good. I made my way up to my room where I peeled my soaked shirt
off my skin and threw it to the bed. Leisurely I walked down the hall into my
bathroom. Water rushed from the baths facet as I soaked my body in the warm water.
Finally I was able to relax.
By the time I finished washing every inch of my body more than once, and
got dressed the sun had set and a thick aroma of heavily seasoned chicken, steamed
vegetables based in garlic butter, and rice drifted up from the kitchen. My mouth
watered at the smell as my stomach roared. I had forgotten that I hadn’t had a
thing to eat all day and my stomach was protesting. I wasn’t all up for the chicken
but I didn’t mind a healthy size of rice and vegetables. Sluggishly I sauntered
down the stairs listening to the pounding of the rain on the roof of the house. As I
stepped off the last step I was petrified. There stood Jessica sobbing wet clinging
to her boyfriends arm. My eyes shifted up and down his figure, noticing how his wet
clothes molded around his nicely toned body. My stomach felt like it lurched into my
throat, and butterflies fluttered in its emptiness. I gulped as hard as I could as he
shot me with a ray of sheer magnificence. I couldn’t believe I was feeling this way
about this boy now. I hated him so much before this exact moment, why now do I feel
so strongly about him. Is this passion I feel in the pit of my stomach love or hate?
His soft eyes looked over at me, and then narrowed as he grimaced.
I stood motionless as my mother ran and hugged him, greeted him, and admired him. My
father fell instantly in love with him also, this was the first time they even seen
him and they were immensely impressed. My father’s low deep voice boomed throughout
the house as he laughed, and invited the boy to stay the night. Of course with the
most modesty that he could possibly muster, he accepted. I walked into the kitchen
and sat down in my chair as the rest of the family herded in. My father sat the head
of the table with my mother neatly across from him. I sat at my mother’s right hand
side with Jessica and her boyfriend right next to me. Both of my parents bombarded
Christopher (at least I think that’s what his name was) with questions of his
grades, of what he was going to do with his future, and the most important question
of all, how serious he was about Jessica. Most of their words were mumbles, but I
could hear their smacking, forks clinking against the plates, and smell the chicken
in the air. I finished as quickly as possible cleared my dishes then went back to my
room. I laid on my bed, pulled out my favorite book then went into a daze.
The book came to a dramatic end and tear rolled down my face. I smiled then closed
it and sat it on my nightstand. It was late and I was tired, but I needed t brush my
teeth so I went down the hall. I sluggishly drug my feet across the floor, I was too
exhausted to take a full stride, until I saw Christopher. My face was soaked with my
tears of happiness from the book I just finished and this boy saw me. I stood there
across from him and him from me, my heart racing faster than it had in years. I
crossed my arms across my chest hiding the hideous scars that could now be seen. I
heard a few thumps come farther down the hall, and then Jessica threw her arms around
Christopher. He glanced at her and asked like I wasn’t even there,
“What’s with your brother? He is always staring at me, or crying, is he
“Don’t worry about him he is just an emo bastard, who is too gay to
function correctly.” Christopher’s eyes still held mine as he erupted into
laughter. My stomach knotted, twisted and turned. I felt horribly sick. I smiled
weakly at the both of them and turned back to my room. I felt as if someone stabbed
me in my heart. I was always getting hurt, always falling in love, I hate it. I hate
myself. Before I slipped into a deep sleep for the night, I pulled out my salvation
and cut deeply into my flesh. As the blood poured out of my veins so did the pain but
it still pricked at me I could never forget it, never.
I tossed and turned all night in my sleep, and was sore as I awoke to the
birds serenading me from outside my window. My eyes were heavy with exhaustion and my
limbs were sore. It had been a week since the worst day in my life. The day Cain had
ripped out my heart, the day I fell in love with my enemy to be rejected without even
showing how I felt. I pulled my body out from under my thick black comforter to
shiver at the chilled air in my room. Goosebumps rose on my arms and my body shook
violently. For being such a beautiful day the air was bitter cold. I sighed as I
threw on the closet clothes to me and jetted down the stairs. The sun already hung
high in the sky; I slept all the way to noon. I snatched up a piece of toast that
just had popped out of the toaster when my mother stopped me. She stroked my face and
asked me with the deepest concern if I was all right. Of course I wasn’t alright I
still felt the pain of my broken heart trying its hardest to keep me living, but I
couldn’t tell my mother I was still deeply depressed, she has always done too much
for me, I could weasel my way out of school though.
“Mom I don’t feel real good, my stomach has been killing me do you think
I can get out of school today?” Her eyes filled with worry and replied,
“Oh Abel, Honey, you are probably coming down with what your sister has.
Sure stay home today or else you will be bed ridden for weeks.” With that my mother
took my toast away and began cooking me some hot soup and sent me to my room. I
really didn’t want to have to stay in bed all day, but as long as if I wasn’t at
school I could manage. I jogged up the stairs and nearly smashed into Jessica on my
way up. She looked horrible but I could see right through her mask. She had been
pretending to be sick to have an accuse not to go to school; it was pretty pathetic
even for her to be dodging her boyfriend this much. It made me laugh. Around three
o’clock my mom left for work and my father would be gone for the rest of the day as
well so I bounded down the stairs to go out for my daily jog. On my way down I saw a
familiar face. It was our school’s linebacker he was heading to Jessica’s room.
Curiosity bubbled inside me so instead of going on my run I snuck back up stairs to
listen to what was going on.
It had been 30 minutes since he had entered her room but I could only hear
muffled sounds escaping from beneath her door. I really shouldn’t have assumed they
were having sex but it was my slutty sister what else was I suppose to suspect. I
grew bored of the whole spy thing and was getting very restless. This time as I
bounded down the stairs once again I nearly fell from seeing the face of an angel.
Christopher stood in living room, waiting patiently with roses in one hand and
chocolates in the others. A devilish smile played at the corners of my mouth. I had a
brilliant plan now it was time for me to get back at Jessica. I nonchalantly went
over to him. His eyes glanced up at me for a second then harsh words flew through
between his lips.
“Abel where is your sister, she been gone from school a long time and
I’m here to see her. I got permission from your mother earlier to come.” His eyes
grabbed mine and held them tight, “Also would you stop staring at me you pathetic
bastard it sends chills down my spine.” My fists bawled up tight I wanted to punch
him so bad but instead I just pointed upstairs. “If you want to go see her, then
I stood at the end of the stairs watching him as he has approached her door.
I wanted to see the pain wipe that smug smile off his face; I wanted to watch someone
fall as far as I had.