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This diary entry is written by YouMakeMeSayDAAYUM. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: Let's see how deep the bullet lies. in category life?

It takes more than fucking someone to keep yourself warm.Category: life?
Monday, 9 November 2009
06:56:48 PM (GMT)
Its been awhile since I wrote in this little shitdoodle. So I got in a relationship
SOME HOW with that guy I met at the homecoming dance. And like, i was freakin out and
just wasn't feelin it. So i avoided him and I eventually broke up with him. I got
kinda blehh again. But i was like super duper agoraphobic. And after awhile, I
started thinking of my ex boyfriend, David. Oh, David. There's a lot of history with
that boy. Such a long story, not sure if its one i'd like to tell again. Anyway,
bottom line: I've always been in love with him even after our many break ups and what
not. We're falling for each other again. I'm afraid. So afraid. But I wouldn't want
to be anywhere close to a relationship, anywhere away from my agoraphobic ways, with
anyone other than him. 
We met at the mall today. He's different than the boy I first fell in love with. Not
by much, he just started worshipping clowns. He's a "juggaloe"? Is that the correct
term? Anyway, they're the weird fans of ICP. Ugh. He wears that stupid makeup and
they're all "hardcore douches". Esp his best friend. But whatever. Anyway, basically
I was with him, my friend Ashleigh and his friend, Kyle. And I'm the youngest of them
all, and the shyest. I'm not usually shy unless it comes to him. Anyway, i say anyway
way to much. But, ANYWAY, he pretty much just stayed close to Kyle the whole time
acting like jerks. And so i stayed with Ash. Him and I separated like three times in
the hour we "hung out". And i just don't know. I'm upset. I wish I could be "cooler"
with him. And I wish he wasn't a fuckin clown worshipper. He doesn't do the real
messed up shit he used to like drugs and what not, and that's really good. I just
wish.. i don't even know..;
I just know I'm in love with him. And for some reason, even after a year, I just
can't get over him.

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