Monday, 15 October 2007
12:01:04 AM (GMT)
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Run up to an employee (preferrebly a male) while squeezing your legs together and
practically yell at him I need some tampons!!"
6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible sex and
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a
Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the
volumes to 10.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..."
etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all
to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"
15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the
17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say,
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in
if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air
24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman.
Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people
just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling,
31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I.
Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might
give an interesting effect!!!)
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he
knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors
of the rest room.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
40. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
41. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you
attempt to buy them.
42. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
43. Two words: "Marco Polo."
44. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.
45. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
46. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
47. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the
fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to
48. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very
serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying
"How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl,
but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being
beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
49. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and
scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
50. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
51. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has
a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they
can put a little umbrella in it.
52. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it
lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."
53. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one
pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
54. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off
with it without saying a word.
55. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue
to do this until they leave the department.
56. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
57. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
58. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk
up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying,
ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no
interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your
59. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
60. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow
62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
65. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in
stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test
68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't
70. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.
71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag
72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming"
73. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other
74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash
register, until the clerk notices
75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane
76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X
being the condom aisle)
77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saing "I'm gonna save us from that
78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight
79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles
80. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if
they are a gal, put in a jock strap.
81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section
82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell
83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive
84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to
stop you, kick in his balls (dont try it on a chick, it wont work), run, but leave
the cart. See what happens.
85. If people arent looking at their cart, steal it.
86. Go to the gun section, saying "Can I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smily
87. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use wite-out and a pen to change the price to
something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.
88. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught
89. Take a leak in the dressing rooms.
90. Repeadeately say "The clowns are not eating me."
91. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbors name.
92. Rearrange items as you see fit.
93. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave
them lying somewhere.
94. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs
95. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex)
96. Do #95 but with the same sex (not recomended)
97. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.
98. Follow someone until they notice
99. Puoll out pins, like that guy form the 7up commercial
100. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.
101. Record yourself while having sex, then have it play over and over gain in the
middle of a clothes rack.
Last edited: 15 October 2007