Sunday, 16 February 2020
05:12:33 AM (GMT)
i mostly air my dirty laundry in vague twits and dont really explain the situations
it probs alarms most of the strangers on here
oh well idc, this is where i can dump my unhealthy thoughts
im definitely the most sick now than ive ever been in my life
ive lost control of my eating, so now im taking control back in other ways
im now addicted to alcohol alongside opiates and im struggling to go without either
i tend to mix both which is pretty dangerous
ive lost a lot of weight but im still overweight which constantly buzzes in my mind
trying to get help is really hard. im fearful of talking to my doctor in case im
hospitalised or they break my confidentiality for my safety
im not suicidal but im an active addict with a history of suicidal behaviour, an
eating disorder and a lengthy history of self harm so yeet
im also wary of things going on my medical record because i want to move to another
country and i dont want my visa application to get bounced
shit is wild
on a good note tho, i dont self harm anywhere near as often anymore
i still have relapses but theyre very few and far between
uni is stressful and im not exactly enjoying it, but i am doing well in my classes
im getting real good marks on essays and stuff, im waiting on results from the exam i
im also reading a lot more and studying a lot of subjects more in-depth. im pretty
well versed on the process of radicalisation and im learning a ton about hate groups
daryl davis is a great guy. im gonna be getting ayaan hirsi ali's book soon. islamic
indoctrination and the suffering people face under shariah law is really interesting,
especially since its widely defended in the west.
its pretty harrowing learning a lot of the things i do, but its giving me plans on
what i could do with my degree if i do choose to finish it
spending a year in australia and (hopefully) meeting my internet waifu is pretty neat
as well, thats giving me a lot of hope.
im in a weird spot at the moment.
i'm simultaneously the best and worst ive ever been?
im engaged and fairly productive, but im also drunk and high every single day lmao
im also making art again!! not on here, shi painter is ass lmao
i would share but im not giving any of you nerds my socials
i dont really want messages or comments or anything but i know people will read this
(theres fuck all else to do on here except snoop)
i just want to put some thoughts out of my head and into the world whilst i enjoy my
wine and wait for a new day to start
ill try to be better tomorrow.