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This diary entry is written by angela_zach. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: book excerpt #3; where things become psycho in category (general)

question for people in similar situationsCategory: toxic relationships
Wednesday, 13 February 2019
11:38:05 AM (GMT)
I was in a 16 month long relationship where it was completely toxic but I loved him
so much. He felt like drugs to me, kissing him, laying together watching shameless to
bed gave me a head high I could never replace. But he was a drug addict and only
cared for that no matter how much he tried convincing me he loved me. the breaking
point was how he treated me on a trip we went on together to his cousins wedding
where his baby momma showed up and he wasn't with me all night and ended up finding
him hanging out with her instead. After verbal abuse and manipulation all that
weekend I lost my shit. And getting back to his house he kicked me out when I told
him why I was so upset since he always says theres a place and time for fighting so I
waited an 8 hour drive to talk to him and he threw me out screaming at me. I sat at
his aunts house at 2 in the morning until my friend came from a state away to pick me

This whole weekend haunts me to this day but then I find myself guilty for not being
open enough or just letting go of the problem. I was the first girl to meet his
daughter and that was a huge thing for us and we both looked forward to it and I just
feel so guilty for talking to his baby momma about him and how much she doesn't like
him. I keep finding myself picking apart times where I was wrong in the relationship
and it kills me to think he acted the way he did because of me. But remembering the
things he's done to me utterly destroys me. Yet I find myself comparing guys to him.

How can I get over him? We've been broken up for five months already and I still get
hurt thinking about it just the same as I did back then.

crazyhot says:   14 February 2019   321025  
Kill him
Iloveblondguys says:   1 March 2019   341277  
You just need to understand that you are better than that and you
have the capacity to move forward.You should find something that makes
you feel passionate and use that to occupy your time as that is what
you are worthy of being able to enjoy instead.You just dedicated a
huge chunk of your life to utter trash (from what it sounds iike) who
never even deserved the time of day from you and now you need to find
it within yourself to move on and seek better things.You could even
finally end up with somebody who actually deserves you.

I know you posted this entry some weeks ago, so I hope maybe you've
somewhat been able to move on and improve things for yourself because
sitting around feeling any type of way 'cause of that fuck boy isn't
the way.
angela_zach says:   17 November 2019   806063  
hello! thanks for the feedback, unfortunately it took me this long to
see it  and I'm not sure if you will return to Kupika BUT I
definitely got over him and everything that came with him. I took some
acid the other day and it forced my emotions to purge out and ever
since I've felt cleansed and free. Not the most functional way of
getting things done but I'm just glad its out. haha 
Iloveblondguys says :   19 November 2019   753510  
Hey, glad to hear you're doing better and have done some healing, I
hope this has been a real learning experience for you and you will
move on to much bigger and better things relationship wise. 


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