Wednesday, 13 June 2012
11:14:01 PM (GMT)
Have you ever felt so hopeless, so lost, that you couldn't even muster
the energy to move a finger? It's a deadly feeling, where you just lie there hoping
your heart stops and you don't have to bear the crushing pain. It's haunting, and
even lingers on the back of your neck when you're out with friends.
I hate that feeling, and I have it so often. I have a boyfriend, I love him but the
love I had for Tyler will never go away. He provided me the best nine months of my
life and I cannot say I regret it but I do regret losing him. He was the best thing
in my life. Freddie? I sort of just feel like I'm a sex doll to him and nothing more.
He bothers me with a lot he does, and I don't know why I stick around. I think it's
because I'm tired of being alone. I just don't want to be left in the dust, and I
know if I don't move on from Tyler soon I will hurt myself. I love him so much, and
even now I'd give my heart for him but I know I can't have him.
I wish I didn't have to deal with the burden of my miscarriage to him, or having
something so strong and then dropped on your ass. I should be used to it by now
though, it's happened so many times with my own family.
I fucked up so bad.