Tuesday, 8 June 2010
03:06:04 AM (GMT)
To the women who work in my office… I hate you.
Girl with the bright blonde weave who works in reception- I don’t know how you got
your job, you are so uneducated it makes me sick. Did you graduate grammar school? I
think I would respect you more if the answer to that is no. I want to throw a rock at
your face every time I walk by when you are answering the phone and you say something
like ‘who you callin’ for?’ or ‘he in a meetin’ right now’ or my personal
favorite, ‘who this is?’ I bet the people on the other end of the phone want to
throw a rock at your face too. I also can’t stand when I get message notes from you
that are written like so: Mr. Smith called hes wanting to kno wen he shuld ecspect
the letter of aprovle. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It amazes me that the only two things in
your job description are answering phones and taking phone messages and you can’t
do either of those things!
Tall girl in design with the short brown hair- You have horrendous body odor! I’m
not talking a little stench here and there I am talking everyday when you walk into
the building people drop dead. I don’t know how you don’t notice it. I’m going
to buy you deodorant for Christmas.
Fat woman who works in suite 19- I don’t know exactly what you do for this company,
but I know far too much about your personal life. When you talk to your boyfriend on
company time, please refrain from telling him it felt so good when he slipped his
hard dick into your fat ass! Yea I heard that, and so does everyone else that walks
by your suite when you are on the phone. It’s disgusting, and we don’t want to
hear about it, so keep your voice down.
Blonde woman who works for accounting- I know that you are 30, not 25 and I also know
that at the Christmas party last year you had sex with the bosses son in the broom
closet and that he got you pregnant. Please don’t insult me in front of our
coworkers again or I will tell everyone.
Hot girl that works in sales- When you wear that brown skirt with the white flower on
the bottom and you sit down, we can all see that you don’t wear panties.
Boss’ old receptionist- My name is not, John, Jason, Jack, Jim or Jared’ it’s
Middle age woman who works in reception- Your job is not that hard. You answer
phones, put people on hold, and take messages. I don’t care that you were up late
cleaning the house or that you sat up all night waiting for you delinquent son to get
home, that does not give you a reason to get rude with a customer or walk around
bitching about how your job is so stressful. Half of us come in still drunk from the
night before, but we never yell at clients, bitch about our family members or say our
jobs are soooo hard.
Pregnant bitch- There is only one of you, so no need for further description but let
it be known that you are not the first person to ever get knocked up! You are not the
first person to get heart burn, you are not the first person to get morning sickness.
You are not the first person to pee their pants because the baby put too much
pressure on your bladder and you certainly are not the first person who has had
strange cravings for cheese and anchovies. Stop complaining about it!
Little intern girl- You are so cute with your stringy brown hair, acne and braces but
your coffee skills are lacking. All I ever want is a large black coffee but you seem
to thing that I would rather a low-fat latte, or a caramel machiato, or even a Chai
Tea. Nope I don’t want those, I just want a damn black coffee! Also, you obviously
don’t know your alphabet because my filing cabinet is a mess. F does not come after
R, sweetie. Do you want to flunk the class you are doing this internship for? No? You
better shape your ass up and get me the right coffee then!
Pretty girl who is head of the writing department- You are the only girl who works in
this office that I can stand. You greet me every morning with a bright smile and a
cheery hello. And you are so damn smart. No wonder you are 22 and head of the
department that could pretty much make or break our company. One time I asked you the
Circumference of the earth and you kew it! Usually I would think that is weird and
dork but from you, I find it really hot. I also like that you are the only girl in
the company that hasn’t slept with someone that works with us. But for the record,
if you slept with me, I wouldn’t respect you any less.
Hispanic girl who works in design- You wear way too much makeup, I hate that you draw
your eyebrows on, and I’m pretty sure you have an adams apple and are a man.
35 year old secretary- You have a 20 year old son, and a 15 year old son… yet you
dress like you are 16. I would be embarrassed to be your children. Oh and you look
really stupid when you wear that plaid school-girl skirt with the white tights and
hooker boots. This is an office… not a brothel.