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This diary entry is written by alleygirl92. ( View all entries )
 
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SuffocationCategory: (general)
Tuesday, 19 January 2010
01:06:49 AM (GMT)
Is torture. I don't have a single artistic bone in my body. But I must say this. I can't take it anymore. Lying, the hurting. Everything. It all hurts, it suffocates me. The most recent pain in my life. Religion class. No one understands why I don't have a religion, actually, very few even care/know anymore. But for the few who do, they constantly question me. It hurts, really, it does. Today, we were talking about Jesus, how he died, and when he will come again. After that we read a story about a girl who hated change and was very religious, she grew old, and never left her home town again, having been afraid of the outside world, and different churches. While we were talking about this Mr.Sampson called on me. I couldn't speak, my throat closed up, it felt like I would faint, honestly. AFter those feelings, I looked up and felt dizzy, I hate attention, it felt like a heavy weight was being placed on my shoulders, and I would never lift it. Obviously no one noticed my disturbances, considering they were probably just a mental state of mind. I wrote about that small experience because it wasn't the first time I've felt that. I can't go to this school anymore, I'm not strong enough the the mental power it takes. I come home almost in tears everyday because it hurts to think about this stuff. More specifically, choosing a religion. It upsets me because I won't choose, but I will never go by Catholic, or Atheist... I really don't even need a title, I just want to scream to everyone that I don't overly believe in god, or any of the catholic thoughts/meanings. But, my problem comes to the fact that I'm not allowed to transfer, my dad won't let me. And, he wouldn't believe me if I told him.. all I ever do is lie. I was probably just imagining this whole thing.. No one who feels like this should ever go through this, only strong people, not me, I can't take it. Help me convince my dad?

Comments 
‹adorkablemaknae› says:   19 January 2010   105327  
Rowan, I can't really give advice on this subject. I would ask Erika because she has told her parents about her not being Catholic. You don't have to believe in the stuff people push on you. If you're confused, remember Erika and I are always here for you. You can come to us for advice and help. About convincing your dad, think about what you will say before talking to him about it or even write it down. But sometimes you can't convince people to support you. I couldn't convince my parents not to divorce but that's a whole other story. :I
 
alleygirl92 says :   19 January 2010   816606  
@PTfan_1234 
I understand, thank you for at least caring.
I know, I should talk to her soon. Although, I'm not overly sure I'm
confused, it's almost more like pressure than anything else.
Thank you so must Mel, I know you guys are there, even though I'm
never on ;;

I have thought about it, and I've tried playing the scene over in my
head. Buut everytime I do, I get a horrible image of him having some
type of heart attack, or sending me to a Catholic boarding school[not
very creative].
Perhaps a letter.. No, that seems cheap..

Ahh, I feel bad for you. But it's okay, my parents are going to
split/aren't really married and fight all the time. So, at least you
don't have to live with the fighting anymore? 
 

 
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