Tuesday, 19 January 2010
01:06:49 AM (GMT)
Is torture. I don't have a single artistic bone in my body. But I
must say this.
I can't take it anymore.
Lying, the hurting. Everything.
It all hurts, it suffocates me. The most recent pain in my life.
No one understands why I don't have a religion, actually, very few even care/know
But for the few who do, they constantly question me. It hurts, really, it does.
Today, we were talking about Jesus, how he died, and when he will come again. After
that we read a story about a girl who hated change and was very religious, she grew
old, and never left her home town again, having been afraid of the outside world, and
While we were talking about this Mr.Sampson called on me. I couldn't speak, my throat
closed up, it felt like I would faint, honestly. AFter those feelings, I looked up
and felt dizzy, I hate attention, it felt like a heavy weight was being placed on my
shoulders, and I would never lift it. Obviously no one noticed my disturbances,
considering they were probably just a mental state of mind.
I wrote about that small experience because it wasn't the first time I've felt that.
I can't go to this school anymore, I'm not strong enough the the mental power it
takes. I come home almost in tears everyday because it hurts to think about this
stuff. More specifically, choosing a religion. It upsets me because I won't choose,
but I will never go by Catholic, or Atheist... I really don't even need a title, I
just want to scream to everyone that I don't overly believe in god, or any of the
But, my problem comes to the fact that I'm not allowed to transfer, my dad won't let
me. And, he wouldn't believe me if I told him.. all I ever do is lie. I was probably
just imagining this whole thing.. No one who feels like this should ever go through
this, only strong people, not me, I can't take it.
Help me convince my dad?