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Previous entry: Diary 3 September 2009 in category (general)

Confused? Sad? Depressed?Category: (general)
Wednesday, 9 September 2009
02:24:22 AM (GMT)
I am very confused right now. I have an array or emotions, I am confused, depressed,
annoyed, hated, pissed, sad, andry, and all of the above. I am soooo confused right
now =[ half of my close friends and people I love, it doesn't quite feel like they
listen to me.....Which kills. =[ See here, I'm usually never like that, but I am so
easily manipulated by people, it sucks. I've been going through with a suicidal
friend for 2-3 years now, it hurts so much seeing her injure herself, I know this may
not be much of a big deal, but to me it is because my aunt was just like her as a
child and ended up having a child and trying to kill herself and her she
is at a retirement home at age 30, and it hurts to see that a good friend may be just
like her someday, they were both so alike, I can't even look in her eyes without
feeling hurt. ={ I hate compalining and stuff because I know none of you really care,
or will take your time to read this, But, whatever. It sucks that the ones that I
love don't seem to care much about my heart and how I feel, but also I deserve not
being heard either. I'm just confused. And probably don't know half the things that I
am typing, but yeahh. I hatee complaing yet again, but when I really need to talk, it
feels like nobody is listening......Unless they are somebody that loves me, that i
hurt too much, and now they do not want to talk to me... I am so worried, and hurt.
I saw her start her main stage from the start. And that kills even more.
And the only one that I feel listens, is the one that hurts me the most......
I only wrote this to let all of my emotions out, not to be heard really.... =[ This
crap just felt really good saying..
The only ones that I think care abut me though, won't take time to listen without
sounding annoyed, but the ones that love me, that I had to bhurt back, is the only
ones that listen.
I am a cruel bitch and I regret it and I want to change into a nicer person.. I've
been mean and cruel for too long.....I'm hating it..
I wanna stop harassing people, talking behind backs (which I do too much), scaring
people, I know this makes me, but I hate me.... I just wanna feel better about
myself, and maybe i'll help other people in life, instead of hurting them more. All
of this is comming from my heart, and I don't care how "stupid" or "confusing" this
is, I don't even care that nobody read it. But yahh......

All I want to do it be a nicer person. >.< I don't even understand what i wrote, it
just felt good typing. This would belonger, but I only had a few minutes to write it.
I'm gonna ap[ologise to that certain person for being such a jerk, and it's not you
if you are reading this. ><<

Oroborus21 says:   9 September 2009   961733  
*hugs*.......just keep taking it a little at a time
‹<0N3_0F_7h3_8R0|(3N>› says :   9 September 2009   858796  
well  i read it :3


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