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This diary entry is written by Fabby. ( View all entries )

Imma explode.Category: Rant...
Thursday, 27 December 2007
10:10:53 PM (GMT)
Goddamnit. He's disappeared off the face of the earth again.

If you're not stupid, you should know who "he" is.

Last night he told me that he would come see me today.
He promised.
So I went to bed last night actually believing he would show up with my phone by my
head so I could wake up.

Well, aren't I an idiot?
He never shows up.

I know it's not his fault.
His dad is at home all the time now and doesn't let him leave.

But then he just... didn't talk to me. He still hasn't.

It didn't look like he was online (he could have been, but I doubt he would have
answered me anyway)
And he won't answer any of my texts.
He didn't pick up when I called.

I know it makes me look clingy as fuck, like I'm going crazy over nothing.
But I know something is wrong.
The only times that he just STOPS talking to me and refuses to answer are when he's
really depressed.

Which are the exact times when I want to be talking to him.
I thought briefly about just going down to where he works and seeing him.

But there's a foot of snow on the ground and I'd have to take a bus.
I haven't been outside today, but I can tell you now that it's too cold for me to be
outside for an hour.

It's not supposed to snow this much in CO...

I'd be happy to go down there, but I don't want to unless I get a hold of him first.
Because I'm paranoid that he won't want me down there.
Or he didn't show up.

Or something else. I'm not going to go down there just to have to turn around and go

I just want him to tell me he's okay...
I hate it when he just leaves me in the dark like this.
I tend to exaggerate, to make the "what ifs" seem bigger than they should be.

For all I know, all that happened was he forgot to pay his phone bill and he's
perfectly fine.
It's not completely out of the question, though I'd think he would warn me first.
He did last time when his phone got shut off, anyway.
He knows a few days in advance, so I think he's just ignoring me.

So of course, I'm going to go crazy and think he killed himself or something.
I'd hope that if he did someone would have the common sense to tell me.
I mean, I am his girlfriend and all.
I do sort of love him and want to know if he dies.

Not that I realistically think he's dead.
He's not suicidal, just depressed.

Come home, Jonny...

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