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This diary entry is written by ‹_atheenuh_›. ( View all entries )
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Let Me FadeCategory: poetry
Thursday, 24 October 2013
10:35:13 PM (GMT)
Do you look at me every now and then
And do you feel the same thing I do
Every time I look at you I feel numbness 
And I hear the sound of my heart dropping to the floor of my ribs

From across the parking lot, do you glance over to see how I'm doing
Do you see how dead I am
Laughing with my friends now
Crying in my bed later

Do you ever sit and think of where I'm going
Do you miss the day we spent together
Do you miss talking to me

Do you wonder if I still think of you
The static I felt when we touched
It almost deafened me

I hate remembering how happy I was
All the love and joy we had
Perhaps, I'm mistaking love for infatuation

Now all I ever do is wait
I wait and I wait
But all this waiting is driving me insane
And my head isn't going as it used to

Do my teachers notice my unfocused eyes
Do my friends notice my busy hands
Does anyone see my eyes grow heavy as I walk

More importantly, I miss the way you'd retrace my lips with your tongue
And how you squinted into my eyes from how close we were laying
The spaces between your fingers when you wrapped your arms around me
Was it the little gestures you made so obvious to me
Or was it the kisses and the affection that drew me over

Can we go back to early mornings in the parking lot
To where you'd wait for me as I made my way through everyone
When you'd make a witty greeting and hug me tight
Oh how you'd make me feel secure

I thought maybe you were the one who was gonna save me
But I've fallen into a trap
And you opened the door in the floor
As I fell through you smiled down on me and closed the door

But I'm not just falling
I'm seeing your happiness wrap around someone else's smile
And it hurts to stand when all I can feel is my rib cage slowly breaking
Allowing my heart to fall through to the acid in my stomach
Until I'm left with no more

My best friend
My almost lover 
My every thought
My loveless summer

There seems to be no words for you
My mouth is dry and my throat closes up
I can't speak so I take my excuse of being shy 

This is such failure
And I fucking hate how poetry can only be good with rhymes 
Or even witty words
But darling, I'm not what everyone wants

I don't know many words so I'll have to make do
I just want to fucking express my feelings out to you
But this all just seems like a god damn letter
I suck at everything and I hope everyone see's

I'm not good at anything
But if nothing can get me something
Then I'll do nothing for the rest of my life

You'll see me on the streets but it's okay
I've been living on the streets
And I've been doing worse day by day

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