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This diary entry is written by ‹✖[[AntisocialButterfly]]✖›. ( View all entries )
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SureCategory: Thoughts.
Saturday, 14 July 2012
03:21:25 AM (GMT)
Clean the blood off my knuckles and I'm drowning, 
everyone's looking up, so why are their eyes so full of wonder and fear?
Or their eyes are clouded by everything they believe,
everything they perceive 
to be true
but none of it's real,
they're operating on an illusion,
that they've built up from nothing..
Well, I'm sick of straining my eyes,
looking into the light,
being sickened by lies,
and persuaded to fight,
when the future holds nothing,
and I of all people am the least of everything. 
I'm sick of trusting people who turn their back on me the next second,
or only want my confidence as a trophy to place on their ego shelf. 
I'm not for you, you don't own me, 
I can't depend on other people that will eventually push me away.
I can't depend on anything. 
Nothing is safe enough. 
It's fine, you can love me whatever amount you choose,
and I won't try to get more or less from you.
But, really, can't you please just be honest about what the amount is? 
So that I can know what's real? 
And what you feel? 
I would never ask you to leave her for me,
not when we're facing a dead end road together.
Not when I'm still holding onto a hope for something better. 
I still believe there's a perfect guy for me, the only question is,
how long am I willing to wait?
Is kissing fun?
Is it easier said than done?
Do I even want to know?
I don't want to be vulnerable anymore.
I just want to be me for a while,
not some version of me that's attached to another person.
I just want to be, solid safe and familiar, unsure and searching,
I sure have missed myself.
I've been pushed aside in my search for security. 
I'm not saying I wouldn't accept love where I find it,
but, wouldn't it be better to wait until I have a possibility of something real?
I don't want to play games with someone who's in love with someone else.
I don't want to play games with anyone.
I just need to collect myself, pack up my thoughts, and be gone,
until I rediscover what I was looking for in the first place.

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