Thursday, 3 February 2011
08:06:44 PM (GMT)
Because my friends seem to be too busy to wish me happy birthday, even on fucking
I wish I knew what they were doing today. I know at least three others were on today.
One of them was talking about how she's sick of acting happy in front of others.
Sometimes, I wish she'd see how lucky she is to have so many fucking friends in real
life, how lucky her fucking life has been thus far, and how I feel like shit for
thinking things like this. I know her family's getting low on money, so why do I want
to say things like this so badly?
I want to be five years old. I wish fifth grade never happened. I wish I didn't want
my fucking birthday to end already. My family has been great to be today except for
the fact that my present is a fucking itunes card and WHY AM I SUCH AN UNGRATEFUL
She got to go to Italy, Greece, and (south) Korea. I've never even been out of the
fucking continental US and SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON.
Yes, I still remember fifth grade. Yes, I remember every fucking thing. "I'm just
playing around". THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER, FUCK/.
It's always there, now. Every time I try to fucking sleep, fifth grade comes back and
so does that stupid realization that I'm going to fucking die someday and maybe cease
to exist. Of course none of you are ever going to fucking read this. I could never
post this where you guys could read it because then someone would say I'm being
stupid and think I have it so much harder than everyone else even though I know I
have it pretty easy at home and one of you has been having a lot of death in your
family and I've never had to deal with the death of a close relative yet and FUCK
RUN-ON SENTENCES I'M IN MERIT I SHOULDN'T WRITE LIKE THIS.