Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they
Set all of the alarm clock in Housewares to go off at 10 minute
Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3 in
Housewares...NOW"' and see what happens.
Go to the service desk and ask to put a bag of M&Ms on lay away.
Move the 'Caution, Wet Floor' sign to a carpeted area.
Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll
invite them in if they bring some pillows from the bedding dept.
When a clerk asks if they can help you, start crying and ask, "Why can't
people just leave me alone?"
Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your
While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows
where the antidepressants are.
Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from
In the auto department, practice your 'Madonna look' using the different
Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through whisper, "Pick me,
When an announcement comes over the load speaker, assume the fetal
position and scream, "No! No!, It's those voices again!"
Go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait a while and then yell loudly,
" There's no toilet paper in here."
Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding
them at strategic locations.
Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air
Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
When there are people behind you, walk very slowly, especially thin narrow
Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn
the volumes to "10".
Play with the automatic doors. Duh...
Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so
long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a
As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and
say, "Wow. Magic!"
Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm
Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
TP as much of the store as possible.
Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them,
yelling, "Red Rover!"
Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any
in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield
with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
Hold indoor shopping cart races.
Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
Two words: "Marco Polo."
Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make
off with it without saying a word.
Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
Pay off lay-aways fifty cents at a time.
Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the
store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and
ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
Last edited: 25 April 2009