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This diary entry is written by k_blackrose_78756. ( View all entries )
 
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what needs to be said- part 1Category: (general)
Saturday, 21 February 2009
03:22:51 AM (GMT)
Dear no one,
  I'm fucking sorry. I don't know what came over me...i feel so fucked up... It's
just not fair how much i miss him. And its not fair how my mind tells me to react to
stupid things. I was only truley upset 'cause it means waiting an extra 2 days to
seeing him. Im sick of waiting around, asking permission, do have another moment with
him. I wish my fucking cunt-fucking mother could understand how much i need him. I
dont think its fair to seperate a love that i feel this stronly about. Im sick of
this age. Sick of doing nothing with my life...sitting and staring at the same
ceiling just beacuse my house is a prison...And it all eats at me- the lonelyness,
the heartache, the missing him. It literally drives me crazy. I had a whole fucking
10 days off, and how fair is it that i only get to see him 2 times? I'm sick of your
fucking bitch ways. Of you bad-mouthing my friends and their families. I honestly
think your jelous of what they have, of what we have. Because you are one sad lonely
fuck. 
  
Dear no one,
  I'm sick of you fucking saying your gonna call, when you never do. I'm sick of you
wondering if i want you in my life, when u have an acsess to a phone, just as i. I'm
waiting for you to step up and be who u used to be when we lived together. leave your
daughter in the dark if you must, wondering if i'll ever come around. im just sick of
this shit.

Dear no one,
  i love you, i really do. if only i could show that to you. i'm sorry. i'm sorry i
ever needed you to help me with my problems. i swear when you ask to go from now on,
i'll let you. When you say you'll call me later, i'll wont sit there wondering when
you dont call at that time. I'm sorry you have to handle me, my fucked up mine, and
my hurting ways. i never want to hurt you babe. i want forever for us, and if that
means sucking some stuff up, so be it. if that means finding ways to handle these
lonely feelings, these fatal emotions, then so be it. but im sorry, and i cannot
promise, that i will not slip up and be just fine.

Dear no one,
  i'm pissed you dont let me into your world. Let me help you help your self. your so
independant. but i have seen you slip away. and hun, it kills me. Now you got that
little boy. and i fret touching him, when he cries at my touch. i havent any idea of
who to blame for that...but i know how close we could be, and it slashes my heart to
know what we could have...i understand wanting to be alone...but i grew up with you.
and you left me, dont deny it. and i need you back, somewhere, anywhere, where i
could feel like you were still here. i had a dream you died the other night...but it
was the you you were over a 2 yrs ago...and you were gone. and for some reason i felt
so close  to you. weird...but idk...and i know i flipped out in my dream...and i woke
up feeling it was real...and i feel somewhere along the line i did lose you. I love
you

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