Monday, 27 October 2008
08:02:45 PM (GMT)
OMG-E. I feel so depressed. I failed my math test by 4 goddamned points. Now my
dad won't give me any eye-contact he's so disappointed. I can hear them talking about
my test. Sounds like my dad's about to blow up. Oh well. I've come to a point where I
just don't give a damn anymore. I feel like I try and try, but I don't get anywhere.
In elementary last year, I didn't even have to study. Studying in elementary meant
reading your notes over for 15 minutes. Now it means like, 45 minutes every 1-2 days.
I'm SO depressed. Sometimes I feel like running away. Maybe I will, after Christmas.
I'll find somewhere to stay. I know it sounds ridiculous, but hey, what do you want
from someone like me? You know, I feel like I over-think sometimes...
Life is so dim. One moment, it's a beautiful, wondrous thing, the next, you want to
die. I feel like no one accepts me. I don't feel like I fit in with my friends. I
feel like I'm superior to everyone in thought, but not in other things. I feel like I
can't be myself because everyone will judge me. But most of all, I feel like nobody
loves me. I go to my family, and either they push me away because they're too busy,
or because they're not in the mood. Then I go to my friends, and their idea of fun
isn't exactly the same as theirs. I also have a crush, but I'm WA-AY to shy to talk
to him. I feel like no matter how hard I try, no one appreciates me. No one will
until I'm dead. I know this sounds ridiculous, but finding "true love" seems
impossible. Finding someone who'll understand me, agree with me, and love me seems
like such an unreachable thing, it's almost surreal. I feel beautiful to myself, but
not to others. I see all the other girls wearing makeup, wearing nice clothes, being
subconsciously beautiful. I want to fit in, but I'm scared. I want to be different,
but not so flashy it's annoying, or so girly I'm bitchy. I've met people like that.
Also, my parents can't keep promises. They promise EVERYTHING that I want, that I
need, but I NEVER get it. That's it for my complaints for now... *Weak forced smile*