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This diary entry is written by NinjaDino. ( View all entries )
 
Previous entry: Just another near-death experience. in category (general)
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My shortened version of Twilight.Category: (general)
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
03:25:34 AM (GMT)
*Renee driving Bella to see Charlie*

Bella: PLZ DUNT MAKE ME GO TEW CHARLIES HOUSE.
Renee: Come on,Bella.He promised not to rape you again...
Bella: OH FAYNE.
Renee: And if you want to ever come home...you can't.Me and Phil are
abandoning you.Bye.

*At Charlie's house*

Charlie: It's nice to see ya,kiddo.Sorry about last time...anyway.GUESS
WHAT!?I GOT YOU A BRAND SPANKIN' NEW TRUCK.IT WAS MADE IN THE EARLY SIXTIES.LIKE I
SAID...BRAND NEW.
Bella: OHRLY?GEE,THX DADDEH,I'M GONNA BE TEH MOST POPULAR GIRL IN SKEWL.
Charlie: Yes.Anyway,run along to your BRAND NEW BEDROOM THAT YOU'VE SLEPT IN
BEFORE...Seriously.Go.Before I'm tempted to rape you again.
Bella: WAIT DAD.WHUT'S FER SUPPER.
Charlie: Sorry,sweetie.I don't cook.
Bella: WELL DUNT EXPECT ME TEW DO ALL YO DEEDZ.LIEK SRSLY,ARE YEW HANDICAPPED
LIKE BILLY!?!?!111?!?!?1?!11

*Next day at school*

Bella: (At lunch,staring at the Cullens) OMFGZZ,WHO DUMPED FLOUR
OVER THURR HEADZ?
Jessica: Yuh,that's Alice,Rosalie,Emmett,Jasper....and Edward. (Starts crying)
EDWARDDDDD.
Bella: OHRLY.WELL I HAVEZ CLASS WITH HIM AFTER,SO YAH,I'LL RUB IT IN YOUR
FAYCE HOW MUCH HE STAREZ AT ME.
Mike: OMGZ NO BELLA.HAVE MUH KIDZ PLZ.

*In Biology class*

Bella: (Walks past Edward and he catches her scent.Suddenly he jumps up and
stuffs her arm in his mouth.)
Edward: OM NOM NOM!!11!!11!111!1!!!DAMN HOE,YEW TASTE LIEK URINE.BUT YUR STILL
LIEK RLY HAWT SO I DUNT CARE.
Bella: YAH,I THINK CHARLIE PEED ON ME LAST NITE.HE'S LIEK RLY OLD SO HE
SLEEPWALKZ ALOT.
Edward: ANYWAY,IF YEW DUNT WANT ME TEW EAT YEW,THEN I GUTTA GO.
Bella: KAY SEEYUH LATUR.UR HAWT TEW.BAI.
Edward: (Jumps up and runs out of the classroom,dragging Mr.Varner's left leg
with him)

*After school*

Bella: (About to get in truck.All of a sudden Tyler's van comes out of
nowhere,about to hit Bella)
Edward: BAM MOFO.I'M A SUPAHERO.NO WAIT.I'M TEH BAD DEWD.LIEK THE JOKER...AND
TEH GOBLIN.ANYWAY...I'LL SAVE YOU,BELLA.EVEN THO I HATE UR GUTZ.(Smashes
van,after taking Tyler out)
Tyler: (Runs over to Bella) Oh My Jonas,Bella!Are you okay!?I'm
SO sorry!Please forgive me.PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING,JUST FORGIVE ME
PLEAAAAAAAAAAASE!
Bella: I'M FAYNE.JUST PLZ STOP DRUNK DRIVING!!11!!!!11!!HAY EDWARD,HOW DID YEW
SMASH THAT VAN LIEK THAT?
Edward: IDK MY BFF ROSE.

*At the beach*

Bella: WHAI AM I EVEN HURR?EDWARD ISN'T.
Jacob: HAI I'M JACOB.
Bella: OH RITE,TEH HANDICAP'S SON.NICE HAIR.
Jacob: IT'Z NAWT A WIG,I SWEAR.ANYWAI,EDWARD'Z A VAMPIYAH.
Bella: OSRSLY?KEWL.

*Talking to Jessica*

Jessica: OMGZ.I love Mike Newton!
Bella: TEW BAD HE LIKEZ ME.
Jessica: He just pities you.Anyway,a bunch of us girls,excluding Lauren...are
going dress shopping in Port Angeles.Are you coming?
Bella: YAH,BUT WHAI ISN'T LAUREN COMING?
Jessica: Tyler ran that bitch ovah.

*In Port Angeles*

Bella : (Walking down the street,when some guys start following her)
Guy #1: Hey,sweetie.We should bang.
Guy #2: GANG BANG!
Bella: SORREH DEWDS.I WOULD,BUH I'M CURRENTLY TAKEN RITE NAO.
(Shiny volvo drives by,obviously Edward,and opens the door.)
Edward: GET IN,BISH!
Bella: GEE,EDDIEPUSS,IUNNO,A GANG BANG SOUNDS FUN...YOU SHOULD JO-
Edward: I SAID GET TEH FACK IN,YOU NOB.

*At Charlie's house*

(Bella is trying to sleep,when she hears a knock at the window.)
Bella: AHH,A STALKAH.(Looks over at window,where Edward is
knocking) OMG EDWARD IZ A STALKAH.(Opens window)
Edward: O BELLA,I LAV YEW!
(touchesherfacetouchesherfacetouchesherface)
Bella: BUH UR A VAMPIYAH.
Edward: I DUNT CARE.
(touchesherfacetouchesherfacetouchesherface)

*In the meadow*

(Edward shows Bella how he looks in the sun)
Bella: AHHHHH I'M BLINDDD!!!!I'M BLIND!!!!!!
Edward: BELLA,UR FAYNE.I'M JUST TOO SEXAY FER TEH SUN.
(touchesherfacetouchesherfacetouchesherface)
Bella: Sersly.I can't see.

*At the Cullen's,with James,Laurent,and Victoria*

James: THANKS EDWARD!How did you know I was so hungry?!
Edward: I can read minds,dipshit.AND SHE'Z MYNE.I'M SAVING HER FO LATER.
James: Fack,man.You gotta share.Don't be an asswipe.
Edward: MYNE.

*At the dance studio*

(Bella walks in,and hears her mothers voice.She finds the voice is coming from
a TV,and it's playing old home videos of her and her mother.)
James: Oh hey there,food.
Bella: COME ON!YEW DID NAWT HAVE TO PUT ONE ON OF MAH MOTHER CHANGING MAH
DIAPER,FOO.
James: Fack you.
Bella: I'M GONNA SRSLY KICK YER ASS IF YEW DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.
Edward: SPUNK RANSOM IS HURRRR.
(And then Edward kicks James in the man candy.James falls to the
floor,defeated.)

*At prom*

(Edward and Bella are dancing,when Jacob bursts in.)
Jacob: BELLA I SERSLY NEED TEW TALK TEW YEWWWWW!
Bella: I'M KINDA IN TEH MIDDLE OF A DANCE,DICKPIE.
Jacob: Kay.Well mah dad doesn't really want you to go out with Edward...so
break up with him...NOW.
Bella: OKAY JAKE,CUZ WHUTEVAH UR DAD SEZ GOES.BAI EDWARD I GOTTA BREAK UP
WITCHU CUZ BILLY SED.
Edward: OM NOM NOM!!!!1111!!!

THE END!*!*!*!*!

Btw,I'm really sorry for the....tardness....that went on in the making of this
version.
I'm just a really bored human being.With a LOT of time on her hands.

Comments 
brainwashed says:   27 August 2008   826236  
"OMFGZZ,WHO DUMPED
FLOUR OVER THURR HEADZ?"

That was some serious laughness.
Friggin Hilarr.
 
NinjaDino says:   27 August 2008   958313  
Ohrly.
:| I thought it sucked.
 
brainwashed says:   27 August 2008   134962  
Bella: (Walks past Edward and he catches her scent.Suddenly he jumps
up and
stuffs her arm in his mouth.)
Edward: OM NOM NOM!!11!!11!111!1!!!DAMN HOE,YEW TASTE LIEK URINE.BUT
YUR
STILL LIEK RLY HAWT SO I DUNT CARE.


Funny Shit
 
NinjaDino says:   27 August 2008   399151  
Oh.
I thought everyone would be like.."Yeah,that's not funny." D: xD
 
xExotic says:   27 August 2008   232217  
o_0

Oh, wow.
 
NinjaDino says:   27 August 2008   577747  
Exactly. xD
 
katiedumbassigavemypasswordout says:   27 August 2008   344551  
HA.
I just laughed really hard, for your information.
Yes, yes, make one for eclipse.
DO IT.
NinjaDino says:   28 August 2008   634126  
I will,eventually. xD
 
The_Fluffy_One says:   28 August 2008   617349  
LOL.
I hate the Twilight Books, but I love how everyone is talking like
they're on drugs. :D
 
NinjaDino says:   28 August 2008   433647  
Yeah,I know. xD
I wanted Bella to sound retarded.
 
The_Fluffy_One says:   28 August 2008   734195  
Bella IS retarded.
Dx
 
NinjaDino says:   28 August 2008   798123  
I hate her.
But then,I made Edward sound like a druggie too.
D:
He has to clean up his act in the short version of New Moon I'm going
to start soon. xD
 
The_Fluffy_One says:   28 August 2008   991481  
Hmm.
o__o
I wish people would do this for other stories.
I just love "druggie talk". xD
 
MeepingMeep says:   28 August 2008   627348  
Amazing, thats really funny@ 
 
NinjaDino says:   28 August 2008   949449  
I call it N00BSP33K. xD I love it too.

And thanks,Meep. :]
 
katiedumbassigavemypasswordout says:   28 August 2008   291482  
wait is new moon the second one?
NinjaDino says:   28 August 2008   922162  
Yes,yes it is.
 
katiedumbassigavemypasswordout says:   28 August 2008   859357  
oh haa, i thought eclipse was. ooops.
tiggerlemon101 says:   29 August 2008   892957  
Haha, elohel!  That's actually quite correct.
 
‹TEAL LIZARDS.› says:   29 August 2008   147496  
OMFG. that was hilarious! Bella: OKAY JAKE,CUZ WHUTEVAH UR DAD SEZ GOES.BAI EDWARD I GOTTA BREAK UP WITCHU CUZ BILLY SED. Edward: OM NOM NOM!!!!!!! best ending ever! xD
 
NinjaDino says:   30 August 2008   345243  
Haha,thanks! :D
 
madman says:   31 August 2008   819565  
Hahaha that was great.
momo09 says:   31 August 2008   377664  
XD That was hilarious!
I loved how stupid you made Bella sound
 
NinjaDino says :   6 September 2008   398467  
Thanks,d00dz.
 
 
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