Wednesday, 27 August 2008
03:25:34 AM (GMT)
*Renee driving Bella to see Charlie*
Bella: PLZ DUNT MAKE ME GO TEW CHARLIES HOUSE.
Renee: Come on,Bella.He promised not to rape you again...
Bella: OH FAYNE.
Renee: And if you want to ever come home...you can't.Me and Phil are
*At Charlie's house*
Charlie: It's nice to see ya,kiddo.Sorry about last time...anyway.GUESS
WHAT!?I GOT YOU A BRAND SPANKIN' NEW TRUCK.IT WAS MADE IN THE EARLY SIXTIES.LIKE I
Bella: OHRLY?GEE,THX DADDEH,I'M GONNA BE TEH MOST POPULAR GIRL IN SKEWL.
Charlie: Yes.Anyway,run along to your BRAND NEW BEDROOM THAT YOU'VE SLEPT IN
BEFORE...Seriously.Go.Before I'm tempted to rape you again.
Bella: WAIT DAD.WHUT'S FER SUPPER.
Charlie: Sorry,sweetie.I don't cook.
Bella: WELL DUNT EXPECT ME TEW DO ALL YO DEEDZ.LIEK SRSLY,ARE YEW HANDICAPPED
*Next day at school*
Bella: (At lunch,staring at the Cullens) OMFGZZ,WHO DUMPED FLOUR
OVER THURR HEADZ?
Jessica: Yuh,that's Alice,Rosalie,Emmett,Jasper....and Edward. (Starts crying)
Bella: OHRLY.WELL I HAVEZ CLASS WITH HIM AFTER,SO YAH,I'LL RUB IT IN YOUR
FAYCE HOW MUCH HE STAREZ AT ME.
Mike: OMGZ NO BELLA.HAVE MUH KIDZ PLZ.
*In Biology class*
Bella: (Walks past Edward and he catches her scent.Suddenly he jumps up and
stuffs her arm in his mouth.)
Edward: OM NOM NOM!!11!!11!111!1!!!DAMN HOE,YEW TASTE LIEK URINE.BUT YUR STILL
LIEK RLY HAWT SO I DUNT CARE.
Bella: YAH,I THINK CHARLIE PEED ON ME LAST NITE.HE'S LIEK RLY OLD SO HE
Edward: ANYWAY,IF YEW DUNT WANT ME TEW EAT YEW,THEN I GUTTA GO.
Bella: KAY SEEYUH LATUR.UR HAWT TEW.BAI.
Edward: (Jumps up and runs out of the classroom,dragging Mr.Varner's left leg
Bella: (About to get in truck.All of a sudden Tyler's van comes out of
nowhere,about to hit Bella)
Edward: BAM MOFO.I'M A SUPAHERO.NO WAIT.I'M TEH BAD DEWD.LIEK THE JOKER...AND
TEH GOBLIN.ANYWAY...I'LL SAVE YOU,BELLA.EVEN THO I HATE UR GUTZ.(Smashes
van,after taking Tyler out)
Tyler: (Runs over to Bella) Oh My Jonas,Bella!Are you okay!?I'm
SO sorry!Please forgive me.PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING,JUST FORGIVE ME
Bella: I'M FAYNE.JUST PLZ STOP DRUNK DRIVING!!11!!!!11!!HAY EDWARD,HOW DID YEW
SMASH THAT VAN LIEK THAT?
Edward: IDK MY BFF ROSE.
*At the beach*
Bella: WHAI AM I EVEN HURR?EDWARD ISN'T.
Jacob: HAI I'M JACOB.
Bella: OH RITE,TEH HANDICAP'S SON.NICE HAIR.
Jacob: IT'Z NAWT A WIG,I SWEAR.ANYWAI,EDWARD'Z A VAMPIYAH.
*Talking to Jessica*
Jessica: OMGZ.I love Mike Newton!
Bella: TEW BAD HE LIKEZ ME.
Jessica: He just pities you.Anyway,a bunch of us girls,excluding Lauren...are
going dress shopping in Port Angeles.Are you coming?
Bella: YAH,BUT WHAI ISN'T LAUREN COMING?
Jessica: Tyler ran that bitch ovah.
*In Port Angeles*
Bella : (Walking down the street,when some guys start following her)
Guy #1: Hey,sweetie.We should bang.
Guy #2: GANG BANG!
Bella: SORREH DEWDS.I WOULD,BUH I'M CURRENTLY TAKEN RITE NAO.
(Shiny volvo drives by,obviously Edward,and opens the door.)
Edward: GET IN,BISH!
Bella: GEE,EDDIEPUSS,IUNNO,A GANG BANG SOUNDS FUN...YOU SHOULD JO-
Edward: I SAID GET TEH FACK IN,YOU NOB.
*At Charlie's house*
(Bella is trying to sleep,when she hears a knock at the window.)
Bella: AHH,A STALKAH.(Looks over at window,where Edward is
knocking) OMG EDWARD IZ A STALKAH.(Opens window)
Edward: O BELLA,I LAV YEW!
Bella: BUH UR A VAMPIYAH.
Edward: I DUNT CARE.
*In the meadow*
(Edward shows Bella how he looks in the sun)
Bella: AHHHHH I'M BLINDDD!!!!I'M BLIND!!!!!!
Edward: BELLA,UR FAYNE.I'M JUST TOO SEXAY FER TEH SUN.
Bella: Sersly.I can't see.
*At the Cullen's,with James,Laurent,and Victoria*
James: THANKS EDWARD!How did you know I was so hungry?!
Edward: I can read minds,dipshit.AND SHE'Z MYNE.I'M SAVING HER FO LATER.
James: Fack,man.You gotta share.Don't be an asswipe.
*At the dance studio*
(Bella walks in,and hears her mothers voice.She finds the voice is coming from
a TV,and it's playing old home videos of her and her mother.)
James: Oh hey there,food.
Bella: COME ON!YEW DID NAWT HAVE TO PUT ONE ON OF MAH MOTHER CHANGING MAH
James: Fack you.
Bella: I'M GONNA SRSLY KICK YER ASS IF YEW DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.
Edward: SPUNK RANSOM IS HURRRR.
(And then Edward kicks James in the man candy.James falls to the
(Edward and Bella are dancing,when Jacob bursts in.)
Jacob: BELLA I SERSLY NEED TEW TALK TEW YEWWWWW!
Bella: I'M KINDA IN TEH MIDDLE OF A DANCE,DICKPIE.
Jacob: Kay.Well mah dad doesn't really want you to go out with Edward...so
break up with him...NOW.
Bella: OKAY JAKE,CUZ WHUTEVAH UR DAD SEZ GOES.BAI EDWARD I GOTTA BREAK UP
WITCHU CUZ BILLY SED.
Edward: OM NOM NOM!!!!1111!!!
Btw,I'm really sorry for the....tardness....that went on in the making of this
I'm just a really bored human being.With a LOT of time on her hands.