Saturday, 20 October 2007
11:43:59 PM (GMT)
PIE!!! This is a peice of random literture pie. IT CAN BE FOUND
AT http://uncyclopedia.org/. Go or i shall come to your house and stab you.
Squares are evil, namely because they have corners, and corners hurt, like pie that
is too hot. Squares are evil, one of the main reasons you find them in math. Remember
quadratic equations (a particularly painful type of math involving squaring)? Yeah,
that's bad. Being only one of many billions of possible shapes, squares are
overrepresented. Squares are, quite possibly, the square root of all evil. Round pies
have been known to be good, but square pies are wrong and every time you eat one a
kitten dies. Then again, you huff kittens anyway, so why not try a bite?
Some believe that the only thing possibly more evil than a square pie would be a
triangular one. If this pie was made and sold the universe would collapse on itself
as TAN 90 degrees = Infinity. Others believe that, as a triangular pie is simply half
of a square pie, it is only half as evil. Who is right? We may never know...
 Eating a (round) pie
(WARNING: Pie has a reputation to spontaneously combust and kill your chickens and
hens. If you like pie you are a kind human; if not you can kiss a clam's ass. The
whole point: PIE CAN ASLPODE)
with a fork
All forms of explosives
with your tongue
with a pie eating thingy
With an Emma (these are hard to find indeed)
throw it at the roof and catch the drops in your mouth, crotch, or both.
Jumping in it
With a 4 tonne Maserati convertible (or ferrari, we're not really phased)
Don't forget pie smoothies! Who would forget a smoothie?
without eating it
Eat it with a evil square pie!!
With Primo, to wash it down (must consume first)
With a ruler, the offical way of Pieland and his royal pieness
feed it to your dog/fish/toast, then eat said dog/fish/toast
Shove it up your ass and barf it out
 Pie vs Cake
See Pie vs Cake.
Who will win?
The time when the four pie's of the apo-calipso Lollipop(who is Pie's great aunt four
times removed) bring death to the world in four ways.
The Anti-Pie - Enslaves the total population and forces them to work in giant
bakeries of terror, to fuel the armies in the Pastry Wars (see above)
Famine - all food is destroyed and replaced with pies. These pies have no filling,
and are especially devestating.
Disease - 1/3 of the total population contracts pie syndrome, causing them to turn
into pastries (Pigeon population will rise drastically).
The Pie Raper - Often takes the form of Jim from American Pie, he will go forth and
rape all pie-based humans.
American Pie- This particular method is unknown, but just as terrifying as the
The Meat Pie Destroyer - known in human form as Liam. He hates meat pies, as he fears
they will infect his muscles with crabvertis disease.
 Some Fun Pie Facts
Did you Know...?
Pie in religions that believe in reincarnation is said to be the incarnation just
below escaping the circle of life.
The first European credited with discovering pie was William, Duke of Pie in 1044.
Half the circle-pie industry profit can be attributed to two people, who we will not
name, because they're on the hit-list of the square-pie industry. Isn't that so Emma
When Euclid invented the pie chart in 280 B.C., he used real pies. It was a big hit
with the neighborhood kids.
When the first Europeans came to Australia, there were no pies. The Europeans
imported them, and they quickly overwhelmed the native pastries. Now pies can be
found across the continent.
The actual reason for the animosity generated in response to Marie Antoinette's
famous declaration "let them eat cake" was not because the French people had no cake,
but because she did not say "let them eat pie."
The ancient Egyptians used to bathe in pie. They found the lingering aroma pleasing.
The most dangerous pie is rhubarb.
Despite what you might think, cow pie is not considered actual pie by the laws of
In the early Christian church, due to a lack of fresh water, some priests adopted the
method of immersion in pie as a means of baptism. To this day, some Eastern Orthodox
priests carry small vials of pie filling for performing various rites.
The blueberry pie, ingested orally, has been known to cure genital warts.
Canadians consider the consumption of pie to be taboo.
The only two pie-related assassinations that have ever occured was the deaths of Emma
and Ryan by Mob hitmen from the square-pie industry. Following this incident,
circle-pie shares fell 40% leading to the pie-depression of the 1990-1993.
Pie is said to be the ideal substance for performing exorcisms.
Pie is notably the most likely modern day substance to become international currency.
Chicken pot pie has crack in it, hence the name.
The phrase 'And that's the reason why I like pie' can be used to answer just about
any statement-and that's the reason why I like pie
The word pie can be used to answer just about any question-42?=pie
In Soviet Russia Pie Eats YOU!!!
Pie is far superior to cake.
Why run when you can pie?
Why fight when you can pie?
Why pie when you can pie?
Pie HATES cake.
Pieland wasn't named after pie, pie was named after Pieland.
A Jewish scientist did a study in 1969 that proved that pie turns mice homosexual
Cream Pie has no cream in it, and is high in protein
On no occasion should you attempt to combine two pies, this would result in (pie x
pie) which is pie squared and as squares are evil, this would create a round pie that
is infact squared, a paradox, which would then destroy all life... and Negative Jesus
frowns upon the apocalypse.
 Pie for Africa
The Pie for Africa Campaign was started by Dave Whelan, John Prescott and Bob Geldof
(who only joined to boost his record sales) in an effort to "feed the world, let them
know it's pie-ay time." This campaign started after John Prescott discovered that
Africans weren't getting their Recommended Daily Allowance of Pie (5+ servings a
day.) In an effort to remedy this the healthy pie-eating citizens of more well-off
nations were mobilized to provide the resources to ship 1,000,000+ pies to Africa.
However, the campaign was criticized as a short term solution by more extreme Pie
Activists with Mischa Barton saying "We should be teaching this guys how to make pies
instead of just giving them pie. How are they ever going to learn if we just bail
them out all the time?"
Pieism is a new religion celebrating the worship of Pie. His royal pieness from
Pieland the JoJo has approved of this religion. The worshippers are known as pieists
who worship the Great Pie Overlord and bring him pies of various sorts, such as lemon
meringue pie, cherry pie and when he's hungry chicken pie.
 Pie, the ultimate weapon
Pie has been used in many cases to fix problems in the world. These "problems"
usually include ninjas, democrats, or Weebl and Bob.
The first nuclear weapon was in fact a pie specially prepared by the Germans. It was
stolen by the US's secret weapon, which at the time was teen angst. After the US
turned around and used the pie to blow up the pie producing plants (which they
regretted in the end as the pie factories were under US control anyways), the US was
declared victorious over the Forces of Darkness. Celebrations were held in Armenia,
and the party is now referred to as a genocide. Armenians blame it on US democrats
because... well... they suck.
An ongoing question to baffle the ages has been as follows: Why do ninjas stay out of
the sight of humans? Simply put, they want to kill us. It really has nothing to do
with pie at all.
Clowns have discovered the mighty pie, and use it now on a daily basis to rid the
world of such things like happiness, old Mary Poppins video cassettes, and the movie
IT, which did awful at the movie theaters.
Samuel Jackson likes pie. A quote by him on pie follows:
"Man, why the fuck are you asking me about pie? Can't you see I am fightin' off
It has been agreed by Pastronomers everywhere that this is in fact the greatest quote
of all time.
Its better than sex!
 Pie in Mathematics
Mathemiticians have defined pie to be equal to the ratio of the crust to filling
content. To this date, efforts to determine the exact value of pie have failed due to
hungry mathematicians eating the pie mid-experiment (This is known as the 'Pie &
Square' effect). Work is being done to develop a pie with cement crust and benzene
filling in order to prevent consumption. Because mathemiticians are lazy, they often
spell pie as pi, or even lazier π.