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This diary entry is written by ‹[Belongs.In.Neverland]<3›. ( View all entries )
 
Previous entry: Perfectly Imperfect. in category (general)
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you got to be joking.Category: (general)
Saturday, 15 October 2011
05:40:05 AM (GMT)
YOU THINK MY LIFE IS PERFECT, THAT I'M ATTENTION WANTING?
THAT I'M CONTROLLING AND LIVING YOUR LIFE FOR YOU?
FINE, THEN?
FUCK YOU.
I GIVE UP,
GO KILL YOURSELF FOR ALL I CARE IM NOT GOING TO SIT AND WATCH.

YOU HONESTLY THINK EVERYTHING IS PERFECT FOR ME?
THAT I WANT THE ATTENTION?
IM ABOUT TO BE PUT IN A FOSTER HOME,
IM BACK INTO THE SAME OLD ROUTEEN OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE,
YOU DON'T SEE THE BRUISES,
YOU CANT HEAR THE SLAPS, THE YELLING

AND YOU THINK I WANT ATTENTION?
SAYS THE GIRL THAT HAD ONCE CUT HERSELF AND ADDMITTED TO WANTING ATTENTION?

I? I HIDE MY CUTS.
I TELL THE TEACHER I'M JUST TIRED.
WHEN I CRY?
I TELL THEM IM JUST SLEEPY,
OR MY HEAD HURTS FROM MY MUSIC BEING TOO LOUD.

IN REALITY?
YOU CANT SAY SHIT,
YOU ARE NOT HERE
YOU DONT WATCH THE TIMES SHE HIT ME

YOU DIDNT SEE WHEN HE GOT SO CLOSE HE HAD NEARLY PUT HIS HANDS IN MY SHIRT, A GROWN
FUCKING MAN

YOU DIDNT SEE WHEN THEY TOOK THE FOOD I MADE MYSELF AND TOLD ME I WASN'T ALLOUD TO
EAT ANYTHING UNTILL I GOT ALL MY GRADES UP

YOU DON'T LIVE WITH A SOCIO PATH AT YOUR FUCKING NECK WITH A KNIFE

YOU DON'T HAVE PEOPLE CONSTANTLY ABOUT TO HURT YOU
YOU DONT HAVE THE FEELING THAT EVERY MOMENT,
EVER SECOND,
EVER LITTLE FUCKING BIT OF PARANOIA,
YOU HAVE TO TURN AROUND FOR FEAR SOMONE IS ABOUT TO KILL YOU.
ABOUT TO HURT YOU.

YOU DON'T COWER OR WHIMPER WHEN SOMONE RAISES THEIR HAND AT YOU, OR SIMPLY IN CLASS.

AND YOU DEFINANTLY DON'T KNOW ME

SO FUCK YOU

I DO NOT WANT ATTENTION
I AM NOT LOOKING FOR IT

I USE FACEBOOK TO VENT
AND MY CLOSEST FRIENDS THAT STUCK AROUND
DUNCAN,
ARMANDO
AND VLAD.

I DON'T NEED YOU IN MY LIFE IF ALL YOU ARE GOING TO DO IS MAKE ME FEEL LIKE ABSOULUTE
SHIT

ALL YOU ARE DOING IS CREATING DRAMA
DRAMA I DONT CARE ABOUT ANY MORE

GO DO WHAT EVER THE FUCK YOU PLEASE.

i'm done.

I did say I threw my last lifeline out to you.

nexttime you need help,
i wont be here.

i just wont.

quit talking to my friends,
quit telling duncan and vlad I'm attention wanting.

it's obvious you don't wan't me around,
so? i'm done.
with you,
with all this fucked up shit you put into my mind.

ontop of this?
my PTSD is fucking attacking me.

you havent a clue how much pain i'm in

and you go and tell everyone I'm faking it

ffffffffffff.

whatever.

SCREW YOU.
Last edited: 15 October 2011

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