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This diary entry is written by ‹RushingStars★›. ( View all entries )
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I really need to just vent my feelings.Category: my love life
Monday, 10 January 2011
03:27:57 AM (GMT)
In eight days, it will have been one year. One year full of surprises, heartaches, worries, stares, and unexpected events. One year of me liking you. Half a year of me being madly in love with you, and half a year of my passion cooling down and maturing. One year. That's really committed. First, you were nice to me. Then, you ignored me. Then, you told people. Then, I felt like you were mean to me. Then, you were nice again. Then, we didn't see each other for a whole summer. Then, you ignored me. Then, we started to kind of become friends. Now, here we are. Here I am, sitting at home, thinking about you. just everything about you. Your hair. It was long, then you cut it, and I still love your hair. Your eyes; I feel like they stare right into my heart. oh, those beautiful blue eyes. The way you walk. They way you move. Do things. Talk. Joke around. I'm in love with so many things about you it would take forever to name them all. I've seen you with different girls. The first one, I'm pretty sure you asked her out on a dare. You never liked her, but she liked you. She still likes you, even though she says she doesn't. I hear her talking about you all the time. She doesn't just like you; she's obsessed. I don't even know why the second girl went out with you. I'm sure it was hurting the first one, since they are best friends. I don't think she really liked you, but you really liked her. A lot. I still don't understand why you have a girlfriend now. Both of you insisted you don't like each other. Then one day, you two were together. You seemed like a happy couple for a long, long time; then you broke up with her because she liked someone else. Now, you're back together, and I don't get that. You two don't spend as much time together as you used to, and It seems like she doesn't smile as much when she's with you. One minute, she's happy and crazy, the next minute, she's depressed. All I can say is, why? I watch for you at church. If I see your sister go up for the kid's mass, I know you're there. I pretend not to see you when you walk past my pew from communion, but I secretly watch you when you're standing in line. I look at you mom and dad, and wonder if they know. What they think about me. I wonder if you remember last year. If you think I still like you, or if you've forgotten. Or just think I'm over you. I wait for you in the morning. My day gets brighter and better when you show up. I'm sad if you're absent. When people make fun of you, I laugh along. But really, I don't think your new haircut is stupid, or you jacket looks weird, or it's impossible to get a sports scholarship at three different high schools. I don't care. I love you just the way you are. When you read out loud in school, I want to read right after you so that our voices are next to each other. I want the teacher to call our names at the same time so I can hear them together. I wanted to be in the same group as you when we played News Bowl. I want you to see me at recess and wonder what I'm doing, thinking, talking about. I want you to notice me when we come in for lunch; to not just see another random person ahead of you, but me. I love how you wear white, long-sleeved shirts to church. I love how I could smell you cologne when we sat next to each other. I love how you chew gum every day at school and never get caught. I love how you have a neon orange jacket. I love how you say my name if you accidentally bump into me, instead of just a quick "sorry". I love how you tease people but you never mean it. I love how I have so many memories of you when we were little. I love how basically my whole life, I have thought you were just this awesome, funny, really nice guy. I love you. I daydream about you so much it's scary. I wish so much you would notice me more, you would talk to me, and not just when we sit next to each. But I do wish we sat next to each other more often. Sometimes it just hurts to think about how I like you so much, but you're already taken by somebody I don't think is right for you. I wish you would notice me more. I wish we could become friends. I wish we could become more than friends. I wish for you, Jonathan. I wish for you.

‹tatooine♥› says:   10 January 2011   872877  
this is the same for me, except the one i like hasn't really
gone out with other girls, he likes them. it hurts because she's my
‹RushingStars★› says:   11 January 2011   491540  
Aw. I'm so sorry.
But have you liked him for almost a year? xD 
‹tatooine♥› says:   11 January 2011   824493  
i've liked him for 3 years. 
‹RushingStars★› says:   11 January 2011   209296  


That's like this other guy I liked from kindergarten to sixth. He
moved after third grade and I haven't seen him since fourth.....but I
kept holding on. I finally let go sometime in sixth grade. He wasn't
my first real love though.....that was someone else....and a whole
other story.... 
‹tatooine♥› says:   11 January 2011   636746  
adam* is a smart, popular "jock" and he likes jane*, this girl who's
skinnier, prettier, and more popular than me. so, i dunno. i think i'm
over him but for some reason everytime i see him or hear his voice
it's blehhhhhhhhhs ♥ all over again. then there's this guy
avery*, who moved back this year. he's really blunt, and he's also a
little bit of an immature "i love my friends guy". he is also into
yu-gi-oh and stuff. i sit by him in 3/4 classes, and we always talk.
but, i think he likes someone else but he won't say who, even though
she doesn't go to our school. i'm kind of liking him but i can't be
sure D< so yeah. UGH SCHOOL IS CONFUSING. 

*name has been changed 
Nyo says:   11 January 2011   471769  
I've like this boy for four years..
We were best friends for two, and then he started hanging out with the
druggies and skateboarders and stuff, and now he ignores me. But my
hearts still beats fast when I see him, and I don't really know what
to do besides talk to him as much as I can.
I hope everything works out for you.
‹RushingStars★› says:   11 January 2011   348469  
Ah, it's hard liking two guys at the same time. It feels like your
heart can't handle both. (At least, that's what it felt like to me.) 
Thank you, and I hope it works out for you, too. ^^ 
Starr says:   14 February 2011   943202  
Aww. I love your diaries! You're so sweet, I wonder why he won't
notice you. You should write him something. Your writing is great. :D

I've also liked a guy for a year, and he ignores me sometimes... but I
always feel so warm inside when he even just says "What's up?" and
keeps walking past me. (: I hope you two work out!

/goes on to read more diaries
‹-Lane_› says:   14 February 2011   113607  
venting your feelings is a good way to relieve built up,
anger/tension. you go gurl ^^
‹RushingStars★› says:   14 February 2011   287050  
Thank you about the writing part. :D I'm so glad you like my
diaries!!! And if only I was brave enough to write him something like
this.....if I did, we'd probably become friends. Maybe.
Hehe, thanks! :P 
Starr says:   15 February 2011   700152  
Why don't you start writing anonymous, and then if he likes it, tell
him? xD Like, leave it on his desk and pay attention after he reads it
if he says something like, "Whoa, that was beautiful. I need to know
who wrote this. (:" then tell him, but if he goes, "Oh my gosh, this
is hilarious! Look how ridiculous this is!" then definitely not. xD
/shrug Friends should be a great start though.
‹RushingStars★› says :   16 February 2011   724242  
The only thing I'd worry about though is that a)he tells other people
and they'll figure out it's me, and/or b)he'll know right away it's me
because everyone knows I like to write. 

But I really feel like i should do SOMETHING.....so that he knows how
I feel about him. 


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