Monday, 10 January 2011
03:27:57 AM (GMT)
In eight days, it will have been one year. One year full of surprises, heartaches,
worries, stares, and unexpected events. One year of me liking you. Half a year of me
being madly in love with you, and half a year of my passion cooling down and
One year. That's really committed.
First, you were nice to me. Then, you ignored me. Then, you told people. Then, I felt
like you were mean to me. Then, you were nice again. Then, we didn't see each other
for a whole summer. Then, you ignored me. Then, we started to kind of become friends.
Now, here we are.
Here I am, sitting at home, thinking about you. just everything about you. Your hair.
It was long, then you cut it, and I still love your hair. Your eyes; I feel like they
stare right into my heart. oh, those beautiful blue eyes. The way you walk. They way
you move. Do things. Talk. Joke around. I'm in love with so many things about you it
would take forever to name them all.
I've seen you with different girls. The first one, I'm pretty sure you asked her out
on a dare. You never liked her, but she liked you. She still likes you, even
though she says she doesn't. I hear her talking about you all the time. She doesn't
just like you; she's obsessed.
I don't even know why the second girl went out with you. I'm sure it was hurting the
first one, since they are best friends. I don't think she really liked you, but you
really liked her. A lot.
I still don't understand why you have a girlfriend now. Both of you insisted you
don't like each other. Then one day, you two were together. You seemed like a happy
couple for a long, long time; then you broke up with her because she liked someone
else. Now, you're back together, and I don't get that. You two don't spend as much
time together as you used to, and It seems like she doesn't smile as much when she's
with you. One minute, she's happy and crazy, the next minute, she's depressed. All I
can say is, why?
I watch for you at church. If I see your sister go up for the kid's mass, I know
you're there. I pretend not to see you when you walk past my pew from communion, but
I secretly watch you when you're standing in line. I look at you mom and dad, and
wonder if they know. What they think about me.
I wonder if you remember last year. If you think I still like you, or if you've
forgotten. Or just think I'm over you.
I wait for you in the morning. My day gets brighter and better when you show up. I'm
sad if you're absent.
When people make fun of you, I laugh along. But really, I don't think your new
haircut is stupid, or you jacket looks weird, or it's impossible to get a sports
scholarship at three different high schools. I don't care. I love you just the way
When you read out loud in school, I want to read right after you so that our voices
are next to each other. I want the teacher to call our names at the same time so I
can hear them together. I wanted to be in the same group as you when we played News
Bowl. I want you to see me at recess and wonder what I'm doing, thinking, talking
about. I want you to notice me when we come in for lunch; to not just see another
random person ahead of you, but me.
I love how you wear white, long-sleeved shirts to church. I love how I could smell
you cologne when we sat next to each other. I love how you chew gum every day at
school and never get caught. I love how you have a neon orange jacket. I love how you
say my name if you accidentally bump into me, instead of just a quick "sorry". I love
how you tease people but you never mean it. I love how I have so many memories of you
when we were little. I love how basically my whole life, I have thought you were just
this awesome, funny, really nice guy. I love you.
I daydream about you so much it's scary. I wish so much you would notice me more, you
would talk to me, and not just when we sit next to each. But I do wish we sat next to
each other more often.
Sometimes it just hurts to think about how I like you so much, but you're already
taken by somebody I don't think is right for you.
I wish you would notice me more.
I wish we could become friends.
I wish we could become more than friends.
I wish for you, Jonathan.
I wish for you.