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This diary entry is written by XxDemonic_AstridxX. ( View all entries )
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im so lost.Category: (general)
Sunday, 2 May 2010
11:39:47 PM (GMT)
i seriously don't know what to do. at home, its like im not good enough to be thier
daughter. they expect me to know everything. and when i dont they get so mad at me
and then im grounded. why am i so stupid? i dont know.

and then my boyfriend is going off to college soon, while i still have two more years
of high school... and who knows what the future will hold. 
aside from that, i can tell he is getting really aggravated with me because im not
really with him at all. i see him in school and at band things but thats about it.
then at school, its between keeping my straight A's and trying to get all the
dramatic shit resolved between my friends. and i really dont have time to even say hi
to him before someone drags me away... i feel bad enough as it is and its like
anytime he wants to go do something together, i cant go because im too stupid to be
able to do anything right and my parents get mad at me.
then with that, his friends are getting annoyed with me because me is usually talking
to me on the phone or at some band related thing with me, when they need him or
something. it just seems to me (and lots of other people) that im taking him away
from his friends and i cant even be with him at all. right now im just surprised we
have been together for 4 months now, and that he hasnt decide that im not worth it
and just leave. i honestly wouldnt be surprised if it does happen. it has before and
it will again. i just know it.

someday says:   3 May 2010   635806  
Take a deep breath and calm down.
Parents are always wanting you to do your best because they just want
you to live a happy life. Don't think that they don't love you,
because they do.

As for your boyfriend. If you truly like him, you should talk this
over and work something else. If you bottle up all these feelings,
things won't be the same. If things just gets worst, I say you should
break up with him. Judging from this diary, you can do so much better.
He doesn't deserve you.
XxDemonic_AstridxX says:   3 May 2010   391766  
that might be true with my parents but i honestly just think that im
there to do everything they dont know how to and when i dont, its hell
for me. (my parents cannot understand english very well so as far as
interacting with other people, doing paperwork, and things like that
its my job. and im only 15 so i dont have all the information i need
most of the time and they think if the show me where they put the
important paper work, i might do something stupid... they actually
told me that.)

as for matt, i apologize if i made him sound like a jerk but hes not.
hes one of my best friends and i trust him and know that he wouldnt do
anything to hurt me but its that so many bad things have happened
before i just cant help being scared. he really isnt a jerk or
anything but i just cant stand the sadness inhis eyes when i cant be
there with him. he doesnt say anything about it or get mad at me or
anything like that but i just feel bad. so i dont want to break up
with him, but i dont know how to make it work.... 
someday says:   3 May 2010   238800  
I see.
Ask your parents to do the paperwork and guide them through it. Then,
eventually, they'll learn and do it on their own.

Try to find time.
Tell your friends that you really want to be with him, they'll
Just speak up and be heard.
XxDemonic_AstridxX says:   3 May 2010   544675  
i have tried.... and i have learned that its faster for me just to do
it myself....

my friends... well u can put them into three groups. 
the people that i know through band/my classes, they do understand and
they do try to help me out but i want to be there for them as much as
they are for me....
the friends i met through matt, i guess i can safely say, i do take
matt away from them and that they dont get along (and havent been for
years before they even met me) with some of the other people i hang
out with so i get dragged from group to group.
and then there are the people who really doesnt give a shit about what
i think. it does seem that they only use me to get what they want.
they get me involved in their drama whether i want to or not and i
cant speak up... i cant say no. i dont know why but i cant... and the
one time i did, some of them started a who big whatever u want to call
it and it ended up with so many people hating me and i dont want that
to happen again.... i really do want to say something but im too
someday says:   3 May 2010   767209  
Well, I don't really know what to do there because I have never been
in a situation like that before.

Fight for what you want and no one else.
XxDemonic_AstridxX says :   3 May 2010   591510  
not a lot of people have....

ill try... but i really dont want people to hate me....
and thank you for your help^^ 


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